2 weeks ago my DH broke down in tears and told me he had thought about taking his own life. I knew that he wasn't at all well but hadn't realised it had reached this crises point. He is rarely happy and spends a lot of time laying down and sleeping. He can't cope with noise (we have 2 young and loud DS) or with mess or anything at all really. He's struggling at work which is causing him further upset and stress. He shouts horribly at the DSs, really screaming at them. I try to intervene but I get told he can manage and I'm trying hard not to undermine him. The police came round one night after his shouting was reported to the NSPCC as domestic abuse. I know his temper is linked to his poor mental health but he needs to let me help when he starts to get wound up. I dread him taking the boys out in their own as I know he will almost always come back in a foul mood with them. They are just 4 and 1.
He was diagnosed with epilepsy about 3 years ago and I thought he had it under control but occasionally I suspect he has had an episode or he tells me he has had a episode when I'm asking him to do something. This should be reported to his neurologist but he says it doesn't matter.
He doesn't exercise much, rarely leaves the house unless it's for work or I make him come for a walk or day out. Quite often he will insist on taking the boys 'off my hands' for a couple of hours which I would be grateful for if I wasn't so worried about his tempers and how he comes back.
I've had 3 episodes of depression in the past, one of which was when I was with him. His response was to stop being so selfish and this is just life and I need to get on with it. This is how he feels about his own health too. But it's affecting the rest of the family too no matter what he says about ignoring him. Last week I thought he was going to have a breakdown as he was crying and shaking so much but he wouldn't let me call the doctor. He said he had been to the dr the previous Thursday to discuss the suicidal thoughts but I have doubts he went as he reported the dr said that he couldn't prescribe antidepressants as he is taking tegretol for his epilepsy and that this is an anti d. It's not. He has apparently been referred for counselling but nothing else. Surely if someone says they are having suicidal thoughts the dr would do more than this? He wasn't even told to go back to his neurologist which is what you should do if you have suicidal thoughts and are taking tegretol.
He promises he's going to see the dr again this week and also make an appointment with the neurologist but he said he'd do it last week and didn't. He hasn't taken his epilepsy drugs for 4 days as he lost them and has now forgotten to take his prescription to the drs today. I'm at the end of my tether with him. I went to stay with my parents last week with the boys as I was so worried about them and his treatment of them. And my own mental health was feeling fragile too. He said he needed space to sort out work and have a break so I didn't run out on him, it was an agreed break away. I came back yesterday and he said he was still tired and had done nothing all week.
What should I do?