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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

need some help urgently please when to tell the kids

10 replies

thatlldonicely · 15/02/2014 10:45

DH came yesterday & told me its over. He is coming shortly to pick up kids for sleepover & bring them back tomorrow. I think we should tell the kids now together so they have got half term to get over it - but he feels it is better to tell them towards the end of the week before they go back to school so will be back in their normal routine. It is also his birthday on wedsneday (having them for 2 days) so i think this is a big reason he doesnt want to say anything although is denying this. Doesnt seem to think anything I say is valid or about putting the kids interests first but about "punishing" him. Advice please

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 15/02/2014 10:47

How old are the DC?

Really sorry this has happened

Original poster
thatlldonicely · 15/02/2014 10:47

thanks Miranda they will be 13 this year

OP posts:
Nojustalurker · 15/02/2014 10:50

I would tell them now.

Do you normally live separately? Where is this sleepover?

Original poster
thatlldonicely · 15/02/2014 10:52

he is in living in a service appt after i made him go 4 weeks ago - they have been there before - the kids think we are trying to sort things out although i have "floated" the idea that he may not be coming back - gut instinct

OP posts:
Nojustalurker · 15/02/2014 10:57

Living in limbo not know what is happening is worse then knowing the truth, now matter how upsetiing it maybe. As soon as they know they can start to deal with the reality.

If you know what is happening it is not fair to not tell them.

Nojustalurker · 15/02/2014 10:58

Does he not want them to know some can be Disney dad at the weekend and not have to deal but leave it to you?

Original poster
thatlldonicely · 15/02/2014 11:02

well yes that will be the situation -ill have to pick up the pieces - also his birthday in week so guess doesnt want to spoil that - i had to force him out as wouldnt make a decision even though told me before xmas no longer loved me & had been feeling like this for a long time

OP posts:
Original poster
thatlldonicely · 15/02/2014 11:04

he is here to pick up the kids - they have only just got out of bed despite knowing he was going to be here at 11 - their reply "oh well"

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/02/2014 11:18

You know your children best and you know yourself best. Personally, I don't think there's ever a good time to tell bad news but I do think that a lot of damage can be done by hiding bad news. Especially as you're talking about teenagers who already have a pretty good idea that things aren't going well. Go with your initial instinct.

Hissy · 15/02/2014 20:22

They're angry, and entitled to be. Keep talking to them, allow them to express their feelings, they're all valid.

Huge hugs to you all.

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