Been a lurker for far too long but feel the need to post today! In a long term (7 years) long distance relationship. We are 6 hours apart and spend about 50% of our time together. It's not perfect but the majority of the time we are very happy.
His ds lives with his exw and my ds lives with me. Both boys, (13 yrs) are settled in school, friendship groups etc. DP cannot (and I fully support) up sticks and move in with us, and I cannot uproot my son and take him to live with DP (which DP fully supports) as he is happy at school and very close to my elderly mother who is becoming increasingly frail. We are both serial entrepreneurs and have businesses in both locations.
It was a very bitter split between DP and ExW who despite having had a number of affairs, bullying him and telling him she was going to pay for someone to kill him, took massive umbrage when I came on the scene a couple of months after they split. She says that I am to blame for the break up of her marriage, the meltdown of her life etc etc. Oh did I say that she is an alcoholic with bi-polar who doesn't take her medication.
She has spent the last few years turning the poor son against me and so as a result, despite being consistently invited to and included in the things we do as a family, he has barely taken part. We have lost endless amounts of money on holidays he says he is coming on and then pulls out of with days to spare. He sees DP a couple of times a month on his own for a few hours after school.
The last time I saw him was over a year ago, which ended abruptly when I told him off for being a rude little shit and he cried to ExW and she immediately picked him up. I feel sorry for the kid and our policy of being consistent and always including him doesn't seem to have got us anywhere.
My Ds has been able to forge a good relationship with DP over the past few years but I feel like I barely know his child. At Xmas, we didn't have any opportunity to see him as he was whisked away for all the holidays. At that time, DP asked if he could have him for the half term coming up and we said that we would spend it at my home. This was agreed at the time with ExW.
EXw has now said that she cannot support him coming as why should he spend the holidays with someone who wrecked their lives? WTF? She told my DP that she thinks they were blissfully happy before he met me. He was pretty annoyed with her and said she is being very selective with the truth.
So we are a few days away from half term and I don't know whether the child is coming or not. As DP has been waiting for him rather than coming earlier I have not now seen him for longer than usual which is putting a strain on us.
The way I feel now I don't give a flying fuck whether DP's Ds comes or not. Which I feel rotten about as I want to support DP in his desire to be part of his son's life. He didn't see him for nearly 18 months because ExW blocked access. Have an extremely good relationship with DP's adult son, so I'm not an ogre!
I am so tired with all this, why can't she move on? It's been 7 years, not 7 months. The stress is giving me insomnia, I didn't get to sleep until 4.30am last night.
Any thoughts? Feel like I'm going nuts and feel really drained and isolated.