how do i cope now dp has moved out? kids & financially!

[mumandlovingit]

my dp now my xp moved out yesterday.things haven't been wonderful for a while, he's not great with money, hasnt had a job for a while and doesnt really take much responsibility for the kids etc but we loved each other and muddled through and always stayed together because we love each other and our two children.
he goes out alot to watch racing and i feel like ive been acting a single mum for ages, with him just being here when its convenient.yesterday morning he said that he's oving out and that its for the best and that the love we had isnt the same anymore.i suppose he means we've lost our spark.
im a mess, we've been together 6 years and had two children together.we've got so many memories, good and bad and i know things might end up better this way but im so scared that he'll have his single life, goijng everywhere when he feels like it, seeing who he likes and he'll just forget that we ever had a relationship.he said he'll still see the kids but they are going to be devastated when i tell them that he's moved out because we arent together anymore.at the moment ive told them that he's living somewhere else and helping his frend with wrk at the racing.a lie but if i can just get through the beginning bit hopefully it'll be easier when i do tell them as they'll be used to him not being here.they're already asking for him and mentioning him all the time, they love him like crazy.
having to get income support and tax credit but they've told me it could take 3-4 weeks to be paid etc and even then it's going to be so hard as ive got a car to run and an mot soon and credit cards that we put stuff on for the car and house etc.
spent most of last night crying.dont know how im going to feel when he comes over tomorrow for his sons birthday.its so hard seeing him knowing he doesnt want to be with me now.got to try to act normal for the kids & at same time dont want to seem to be grovelling to him as i know that if he did want us again then he's going to have to get a job, place and stability and show that he can be mature and responsible etc so that we have security.
sorry to go on, ive never been in this situation before and just dont know what to do for the best.i dont want us hating each other or him thinking that he can just waltz back in when he decided he's had his fun being single.
anyone else in this situation??
any advice?

sweetheart no advice just hugs and sympathy as you know in a similair situation although I couldnt actually get dh to leave so he is currently in ds room.

he's never really been single for long and i worry that he'll find someone else just to fill the gap and that'll hurt me so much and how on eath do i explain it to the kids if he does? it'll tear their world apart knwoing we're not together let alone that he doesnt love mummy anymore and is seeing someone else.
i know people do silly things on rebound etc, i know i have in the past, but ive never had the kids to worry about before.
its so much more complicated now the kids are here.im clinging to them like anything at the moment to reassure them and myself i think.
i just so need to feel loved at the moment.i cant stand the thought of him never putting his arms around me and loving me like i thought he did.

oh hun unfortunately that is a very real possibility. However if things were not very good who is to say that you will not find someone else in time too. I assume your children are quite young so while it will be upsetting it may also be better in the long run.

nemo
if you can work things out without either of you moving out then seriuously do it.there's been times when ive thought id be hapier on my own and wished for him to move out.now he has im devastated.he's just rung up and asked where some of his things are that i packed for him and im now in tears.it was only a few weeks ago that we were discussing another baby at some point which is why ive bee asking people about their experiences etc on here.now we're not even togeher! there werent even any arguments as such yesterday.i think he must've been thinking about it for a while and just decided that yesterday was the time.he just saud that he doesnt think things are working how they were, he wasnt happy, i wasnt happy and that it was best if he moved out.its all happened so fast.im dreading the questions now from people.cant cope with it.people wont be too suprised i dont think but i cant stand them talking about him and the situation and telling me im better off without him etc.just hoping he sorts himself out and wants us to try in the longrun to even see each other but live separately.having to get the internet cut off anyday as i cant afford to have it each month.my link to the outside world will be goen.also the landlord rang a few days back and shes putting the rent up! hopefully housing will pay it all.i cant afford topup, especially now.

I am sorry you are having a hard time

It may be good for you both to have a break, he may miss being with you & his kids & it may also make him realise what he wants from his life & what he has to do to get it.

It will be very very hard & emotional but you will get through it, just take one day at a time & dont panic.

If you dont have any money at all i would phone the income support & tell them you have no money at all & you need food etc for you & your kids i am sure there is something they have to do like give you a grant or something.

how old are you & your children?

Nemo - So sorry to hear your not having a very good time, if you want to chat or need an ear to listen just give me a shout hun xx

my eldest child has just turned 5 and the youngest will be 4 tomorrow.great timing!
one minute i feel numb, the next im crying my eyes out.i do wel and dont cry infornt of the kids but its hard, especially when they mention him and his stuff is still laying around.im moving bits of t gradually so its all sorted for when he wants it.also its easier for me not to keep looking at it all.isnt it typical, we had our first family photo taken the other week!
the first one and now i dont know whetehr i can cope with putting it on the wall.there's already pictures of him with the kids on the wall.
i dont want o ove absolutely everything in one go and have the kids confused etc.

if you have no money at all you can get a crisis loan, you used to go to jobcentre for it but i think they recently changed the system and you now phone jobcentre plus more info here and you pay it back a small amount at a time out of your benefit when the claim has gone through. from an inside pov ask for more than you need as full request is never paid and say you have no money and no credit available dont end up with credit card debts.

thanks.will see on monday about it.got a social loan already that they're taking out each week!! so im alerady on less money than i should be.i'll see how things go, i dont want to end up in debt forever.im already only paying the minimum on my credit cards each month.