I'm wondering if there's anyone here who's experienced this and how they coped.
Long story short, my husband finally admitted to cheating on me when we were engaged, with a prostitute. He has a serious porn problem (which he did his best to hide) and it was through this that eventually led us to him admitting that he'd used prostitutes for years (including before we were together) and had cheated on many ex girlfriends with prostitutes.
Anyway, he basically lied to me for years. Always promised to stop the porn use, cried a lot but kept on lying and hiding it even though I offered support.
When he finally told me about cheating on me with a prostitute (while we were engaged and apart because we were applying for a fiancé visa), last November, I threw him out.
We have one 9 month old together and I have a 5 yo from a previous relationship - she considers him her dad (although before all this I had started to explain to her about having a different dad - he has nothing to do with her).
My husband is currently trying to stay in the UK by applying for a Parent Visa since the Marriage visa has been cancelled.
The last 3 months have been horrendous. After being nice for a couple of weeks, he basically started strolling around like he's done nothing wrong. Contact at a play centre every couple of weeks was torturous and we barely exchanged any words.
He didn't ask me any questions about the kids' well being and began spending 90% of his contact time with his biological child and not step-daughter (who is still always pleased to see him).
He came round to see me one night back in December because he wanted more access with the children but because he'd made noises to a friend of mine about taking the 9mo back to his home country, I told him until the Border Agency decide if he stays or goes, all contact is supervised and I can only manage every second weekend. And that if he gets to stay, access will increase and unsupervised. He got very angry, said a lot of hurtful things (saying I was using his fling with a prostitute as an excuse to get rid of him!!) and then I asked him to leave.
However, 2 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary, which was really emotionally tough. He emailed me that day, being nice, asking how the kids were doing, which he'd never done before.
Because I was feeling sentimental I engaged in friendly email chat and when we had our last contact, we actually spoke to eachother like friends.
It felt like a big relief to not be so filled with hatred for once.
He apologised for not trying more to talk with me about the kids but because I seemed so angry all the time, he didn't want to talk.
Anyway, and this is what I need advice about - he is getting more and more chatty, has started wearing his wedding ring again and got in touch with an old friend who initially introduced us.
This friend has told him that he needs to get help immediately for his sex/porn addiction and encouraged him to try and fix his marriage. My husband told this friend that he has an appointment to see a psychiatrist but he's not mentioned it to me.
I feel like I've been getting sucked in to all this. Caught myself thinking that we could have a future together and that all this horrible mess will go away. That I can get my life back. I feel really really weak all of a sudden.
How do you stay strong?
Because he's lied so so much in the past, I have no clue if he genuinely still loves me and is prepared to work hard to fix things. But I know he's no good for me (and I have only just recognised that I do still love him) and that it's absolutely imperative that I don't crumble now.
I feel like I've been so sure of myself since chucking him out and that now I'm full of doubt.
Has anyone been in this position of someone who hurt you badly trying to win you back? How do you keep your sanity? What was the outcome?
I'm also wondering if this is just all another face he's put on because he's currently trying to stay in the country and that it'll all change again if he stays.
I'm just so confused and lost and tired.