Can't support DH any longer...

[FiscalCliffRocksThisTown]

I have reached my limit, it seems.

I have arrived at a point where I feel so emotionally exhausted, I end up going to sit in my car, pretending to run an errand, so I can have a cry.

Nothing horrible going on, I just seem to have nothing left to give.

DH is having a hard time, again, at work and has black moods again. and I have to keep the home nice for the kids, be the cheerful one, the supportive one, organising everything, I just give give give.

But nothing left now.

I can still be giving and loving to the kids, and the dog. But I have told DH I can't give him any more.

If he says "I love you" I just feel rage, and I want him to stop saying it, as he just says it when he needs ME to say that to him, IYSWIM.

I feel angry and exhausted. How can I go back to being me.

(DH is recovering alcoholic, has been unemployed, moody and things have generally been difficult the past few years. New job now, he gives it his all, then takes all his frustration and anger home.He is a difficult man. He loves us, but I just want to run away.)

but can you break up over a straw? it seems frivolous even. If I would have left when his drinking (and bad drunken moods) was bad, that would have made more sense iyswim

Technically the last straw is not a straw, it's a humongous great pile of straw so heavy that one final one breaks the camel's back.

As long as he was drinking the hope was that if he stopped his moods and behaviour would improve. But now you know he's not that much better without alcohol, so it makes sense that the crunch is now.

Xpost with trib.

fuck. Yes, I guess he has just stopped drinking. A dry drunk eh?

He has already said that him staying off drink for so long proves he is not really an alcoholic. I don't know what to say to that. I say nothing, as i feel it is up to him and any pressure from me is counterproductive.

His dad and brother are doing the same, they have given up for a month each, just to prove to the world they are not alcoholics (they are, imo, but charming with it).

He does not always have a black mood, it is just a "mood". So usually things are fine, or even fun, but then the bad mood comes again (about 2-3 times a week. Sundays have become quite awful).

Right now he is worried about me, and our marriage as I have cracked and have been crying. But I just know the remorse won't last. Sometimes he is all remorseful and says he does not understand why I put up with him, tells me to take the day off, then a few days later he is grumpy and moody again. And now when he goes remorseful I just feel impatience and anger. He is not pretending though, he genuinely feels that way. It just doesn't last or change anything.