Whenever I'm a good friend to someone they start to walk all over me

[cithkadston]

As per the title really...

Everyone in my life that I consider to be a good friend, apart from one friend I went to nursery and primary school with, ends up walking all over me. So if I behave like a good friend to someone, take an interest in them, and genuinely care about them, I feel as though they take me for granted and don't treat me with the respect that they treat others.

Most recent is a friend/neighbour that I've known for several years, see quite a lot of and consider a good friend. I've been supportive to her during her marriage break up, helped her with childcare when she's been stuck during the holidays and needed to go to work, and IMO been a good friend to her. She just seems to walk all over me and totally takes me for granted. She is hot and cold with her moods, seems to think nothing of cancelling plans (that she's initially instigated) with me, and just generally seems to treat others with more respect.

Like I said, I consider myself to be a good friend to people I care about. Yet they are all happy and quick to say that others are their 'best friend'. Its like I'm not good enough for anyone to consider me their best friend or to think highly of me, I'm just 'there'.

Another example, which is a bit of a silly one really but has bothered me, is a friend who has had lots of support from me, yet yesterday she was on facebook and putting a 'you are a wonderful friend' type round robin thing on mutual friends' walls, but put nothing on mine. They all kept coming up on my newsfeed and it really made me feel upset that she didn't consider me a good enough friend to do it for me.

Also I've had a really difficult time lately and very few friends ask how I actually am or anything about it.

Do I need to grow a thicker skin?

It's also why I'm moving into a caring profession

I was in a caring profession - wasn't being true to myself though.

I had a friend who kept 'helping' me but after a while I noticed she kept a kind of tally about how much she had helped me and eventually she used it against me, even though I had helped her too. She was fun but I didn't really want to owe her anything, which is how she saw it.
Don't be upset by anything on Facebook and I think your neighbour probably cancels others too.

My friend uses me as a taxi service, her children posess very little manners, her family are fucked up and steal from dept. stores. I had enough...

Coming from a dysfunctional family myself, I take a lot of emotional responsibility for people around me, whether friends or family. I hardly ever get the emotional support and understanding that I so badly need from others.

This is is so ingrained into who I am that's so hard for me to get rid of these codependence habits.

I think most of my life I've attracted flaky friends. People who never took me that seriously and who definitely wouldn't be there for me if I badly need them.

These days I don't have many friendships anymore. I hang out with people and still am kind in words and actions but definitely don't expect much in return anymore.

If I ever meet a true friend in the future, someone who really values me and cares for me without criticism and gossip, I'd be very happy.

So far, the only best friend and true friend I have is my husband and am extremely grateful for that too.

The world is not a very safe place when it comes to true friends.

nerofiend I could have written your post. As I get older I am finding it harder to make friends as opposed to aquaintances and long standing friendships seem to be
drifting away.

This is an ongoing process for most of us I think.

I used to be married and part of a wealthy circle of families with DC the same age. When I left my XH they took a step back from me (in case it was infectious I think) and my XH wooed them all with dinner parties and charm. He "won" them and I was very hurt.
But I made new friends who like me for myself, not my big house or my DC. They are more honest and more loyal and I am blessed.
Now the old friends ask me to join them and I do every few months when I have time, but I don't care any more. They weren't there when I needed them so I owe them very little.