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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sat here crying..

21 replies

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 20:21

cant be arsed changing name..have told dh to leave but dont think he will...am at end of tether and all I want to do is end it

OP posts:

emkana · 04/08/2006 20:23

Why, what has happened?

Charlee · 04/08/2006 20:23

Nemo you poor thing, i dont know what going on but im here if you want to talk.

spursmum · 04/08/2006 20:24

Awww sweetie, are you alright?
Sorry being a bit dim but has this been long time coming? I'm on MSN if you need to chat.
xxx

tortoise · 04/08/2006 20:25

Aww Nemo.Sorry to hear things are not going well.Whats happened?

Charlee · 04/08/2006 20:27

Nemo are you there you got me worried.........

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 20:30

im here..he has gone to pack a bag..he just fucks me off so much. If i had somewhere I could go with the kids I would but we have no one. will explain when he is gone

OP posts:

mistressmiggins · 04/08/2006 20:36

hope you're ok

told my MIL today that we'd all be better off without men and she agreed

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 20:46

god knows what he is doing upstairs but dont think he is packing a bag. This has been coming for a while but if I ever say I want him to leave he says its hormones[pretty easy to blame as have suffered depression past 3yrs and also been pg or just given birth most of that time to] but not any more. He has fucked around with out money once to often and I have had enough. last month I had problems with my bank and they have stopped direct debits going out and said they cant reinstate for a couple of months. I usually pay mortgage, secured loan, life insurance house insurance etc all from my account and I buy the food. So this month I had to put it all into his then today due to being soo skint I asked if I could get £10 from his account as I needed milk and bread etc. So while there I checked the balance as I knew that 2 wks ago it was 1500 and none of last months bills have been paid as yet..anyway there was £500 in there and that is it..so £1000 has gone on shit and still none of last months bills paid and we are coming up to this months being due next week so I would have been putting more money in his account on wednesday. I just dont know what to do about it as it isnt the first time he has fritted away a load of money...but we cant afford to do that at all and I just cant manage to look after 2 kids and the db when it comes with him here. I feel under soo much pressure about losing house etc constantly that he just doesnt seem to get it. I just want to sell house and move into housing with my kids and just be responsible for us.

OP posts:

Charlee · 04/08/2006 20:49

Whats his excuse for being so irrisponsible especially with your kids to think of!
I would be completly pissed of aswell, how are other aspects of your relationship other than finances?

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 20:54

charlee lately there is no relationship..he has become aggressive and angry lately, blames me for him hating his job because he changed to a 9-5 from somewhere that he worked 7-9pm. He makes me feel like I am shit and incapable a lot of the time and is snappy. I think he is slightly depressed but no excuse for the way he behaves. I have posted in the past about him being aggressive in his parenting and about the money stuff as we really are skint..had IVA put in place at beginning of year which is one step up from bankrupcy.

OP posts:

LaDiDaDi · 04/08/2006 20:57

I think that I would feel thesame in your situation. I'm sure that I've read several times that money worries are to blame for most marriage breakdowns. Financial security is really important to me and sadly I think that your dh has betrayed you as much as if he had been unfaithful.

colditz · 04/08/2006 21:00

oH nEMO i DO UNDERSTAND HOW BETRAYED YOU FEEL ABOUT THE MONEY sorry.

If you think you could move into housing with the kids andf be happier, then do it. I don't think men like this ever change.

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 21:04

stupid thing is I really love him I just cant live with him anymore. Still no sound from upstairs do I go and see what hes doing or ignore him?

OP posts:

wartywarthog · 04/08/2006 21:13

better go check.

sorry to hear this. {{{hugs}}}

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 04/08/2006 21:44

he was just sitting in dds room saying he cant leave.

OP posts:

7up · 04/08/2006 21:51

dont know what to say nemo,sorry, just wanted you to know that im thinking of you

FrannyandZooey · 04/08/2006 21:52

Nemo I am sorry

No advice but you know we're here if it helps.

mumandlovingit · 04/08/2006 21:54

nemo 1977
join the club.ive found myself single today.my dp of 6 years and father of my two children told me this morning that he's moving out.we've been moaning at each other about lack of money lately, mainly due to him mspending it all and me having to put everything onto credit cards etc then worrying about how to pay it all off!! he went to jobcentre today and cancelled the joint claim.im now having to put in for income support and i might not get paid for up to 3 weeks, also tax credits told me ive told to put in brand new claim and that could take up to 4 weeks to sort so ive got no income for next few weeks.dp has given me his bankcard for when the final jsa payment goes in on wednesday but i'll be lucky if he hasnt cancelled the card! alot of mixed feelings but my family have told me that we've been stuck in a rut and that hopefully this will be a positive thing and the kick up the butt he needs once he realises that after a few weeks of fun with his mates, they're all going home to their wives and he's got noone.not ging to let him just move back in again.things need to change first.he banger races and that's his life and ive always said i feel like is priority is that and we come second.we'll see how he copes without me doing everything for him etc.i miss him already but realistically we werent happy how things were, he wanted oo much freedom and i nagged and nagged cuz i wanted him here with me and the kids.cant live both worlds.how are things going? ive told my kids that daddys working away at the moment and staying somewhere else and he will visit when hes not working.makes more sense to keep them happy for a bit and get them used to it rather than have them worry why hes moved out etc.great timing, its our boys birthday this weekend!

Original poster

Nemo1977 · 05/08/2006 08:55

He ended up staying and we talked about the money etc..says he is going to change and showed me his account which apart from some withdrawals from cashmachines it is difficult to see where the money has gone. Have basically told him am going to treat him like a child and take his cash card until I know I can trust him. He slept in ds room and will see what happens.

Thanks all for your support.

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 05/08/2006 12:16

Good luck Nemo and I am so sad to hear you have all this to cope with

Greensleeves · 05/08/2006 12:21

It all sounds so painful for both of you Nemo , I do hope you find a way through it. It must feel awful. xx

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