am i being unreasonable?

[shelley85]

is it so much to ask from my dp who can't seem to hold down a job to either get a job to support his daughter or while hes not working for a little help to give me a break? i have given him the ultimatum to either grow up and take some responsibility or leave me to it, am i being a bitch? there is a long story behind this basically i have been really unhappy for months we are both 20 but i seem to have grown up sinc having dd whereas he seems to think he can swan around like hes a free man with no worrys or responsibilities

No. and I think you know you're not, men have just as responsibility as women, they just don't seem to realise it wheras you seem to have grasped it quite well. Don't know what your situation is but if he's not contributing anything anyway and making you miserable then it doesn't sound like you'd be losing anything worth keping. Who knows, you might even get to meet a man who can take care of you and show some responsibility!

thank you liquidclocks this has been driving me mad thinking im being stupid, im on anti depressants for pnd and dp thinks thats why im being so harsh, he is living with his mum because i decided it was better for dd to hav two parents who lived apart and were happy (ish) than two that lived together at each others throats she is 19 mo and picks up on so much so i dont want all this to affect her

Don't feel stupid! I have very little experience as thank goodnes my DH has always had a job BUT - if he lost it and wasn't trying his absolute hardest to get a new one, or kept getting sacked (which is pretty hard to do in this country because of our lovely employment laws), he'd be out. This might sound harsh but I have a basic expectation that when he got me pg he should have been prepared with the follow-through IYSWIM.

PND is hard enough to cope with when everything else is fine, you're doing fantastically if you're coping living by yourself! I have a lot of respect for you, I'd struggle a lot even without PND.

even with employment laws he cant hold down a job, we met 3 years ago and in that time he has had 4 jobs, 2 he walkd out of and 2 he got sacked

thank you so much you've put a smile on my face for the first time in days

i was in a similar situation with xp. he refused to get a job so i had to as we really needed the money (he spent it all) but i still ended up doing all the housework and he never looked after the kids (found out his parents were looking after them while i was at work). getting rid of him was the best thing i could have possibly done. its not just about getting a job, its about being willing to work together as a team. if they cant be bothered to contribute to the family somehow then they dont deserve to be part of it! i also had pnd, once xp was out of my hair it vanished within weeks.

Doesn't sound like a great role model for your daughter either - you wouldn't want her to grow up and for that to be her expectation of men in general.

Pleased about the , do hope you continue to feel better and can sort it all out.

he needs to grow up. he's got responsibilities. no, you're not over-reacting. i would have thought his mum would sort him out!

I hate to sound harsh but I think you have to ask yourself where this whole thing is going. Do you think you ever will be able to live together? I know you're young but I think you need some sort of goals and plans. Where do you see yourself age 25? where does he see you all? I know (again!) you're young but - as you have rightly realised - you've got responsibilities - maybe you need to sit down together and talk about what you want, for yourselves and for dd. I admire your thinking that dd is better with 2 parents than 1 - and in essence I agree - but you don;t have to be together as a couple in order for that to be the case. But I do think that to be a couple, you need to be a team, and you need to be heading roughly in the same direction. Life is difficult enough, you don;t need to carry someone who isn't prepared to pull his own weight