I'm not sure I can do this anymore.

[HellsGranny]

DH and I have been having problems & have been seeing Relate.

At the moment he's ill with some sort of cold and rather then being sympathetic I'm just so angry with him. Yesterday was a really hard day, I had to have my lovely 15 year old cat put to sleep, I needed a bit of support & he did nothing, stayed in bed all evening, didn't even get up to help when the boys were playing up at bed time. He overheard me crying on the phone to my mum & still did nothing.

This morning he got up for a bit, but was really bad tempered with the boys so I told him to go back to bed, he didn't want to because it hurt his hips. But then later on, he just went back to bed, didn't even tell me what he was doing (I didn't have a problem with it, but it would have been nice if he'd told me).

I just feel like I don't love him anymore & don't know how to get that back, I want this relationship to work, but not like this. He doesn't really see it as a problem. I have a long history of depression & he thinks I'm in a slump & as soon as I'm better we'll be fine again. Part of the reason I'm depressed is because of our relationship.

It was our wedding anniversary on Thursday & I really struggled to get him a card, I didn't feel I could give him a lovey-dovey one.

Today I actually feel like I'm going to go crazy if I stay in the house.

I am really sorry about your beloved pussy cat.I have been in the same position and it hurts a lot.

Your DH sounds like an insensitive twat.

I'm such a crap parent too. Neither of the boys have been out of their pyjamas all weekend, I just want to get in the car & disappear and I feel so ashamed of feeling this way. The boys deserve so much better than this and I just don't know how. Am on ADs and doing a CBT course but I feel so helpless & unable to see a way out.

If you suspect that the state of your relationship is behind a lot of your anxiety or depression symptoms how would you feel about suggesting a trial separation? Some time apart might help you understand whether it is the relationship that's making you ill or something else entirely. ADs can only alleviate symptoms rather than causes and CBT can only influence your reaction and behaviour. Neither will take a stressful environment away.

Do you have someone you can talk to IRL?

Has he always been unsymapthetic? What happens if you ask for a hug?

I've thought about it many times but I'm afraid to, partly because I don't honestly know if it's what I want and I think if you separate even on a trial basis, you can't assume you'll be welcome back; and partly because I honestly don't think I could cope with the boys on my own. And if I left them I'm not sure if I'd get them back. It's just such a muddle in my head.

You seem to manage your boys on your own at the moment..... Maybe, without him stamping around and being unpleasant, they wouldn't play up so much? Maybe they're as badly affected by the atmosphere at home as you are? As for being welcomed back, the whole point of a trial separation is to work out what you want rather than letting someone else manipulate your life.