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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't cope.

31 replies

threeblueducks · 08/02/2014 01:51

Dp has just flown into a rage and headbutted a photo hanging on the wall. Glass everywhere. Disorientated himself. He says he is ok and doesn't need a Dr but has just admitted to me he's been on anti depressants for 6 weeks.. I had no idea.
I work 12 hour days, he works 10 including travel time and we have a ds aged 2. We have great weeks and then every so often something like this happens- last time he cut his wrist with scissors that I pulled from him, cutting my hand to bits in the process.
He's only ever gone for me once, pinning me to the sofa by he throat momentarily before I was able to scream at him enough to get him to stop.

It's like he enters a trance and can't help it- its terrifying.
He was sexually abused by his brother and mother when he was small, and his father and step family cut all ties with us when we had our son (another story for another day.. they didn't think I was the right one for him ultimately).
I'm at my wits end. I've been on anti ds myself since my son was born and recently was allowed to move to a lower dosage as I'm making steady progress.
I'm always wondering what happens next and scared in case things get broken or he hurts himself. I think we may be making each other ill.
I don't know where to turn so any guidance would be appreciated.

OP posts:
wyrdyBird · 08/02/2014 15:14

What AnyFucker said.
You and your son have been at huge risk. Don't go back.

There is no trance, blueducks: that is, unless he randomly throttles work colleagues, and strangers on the street. He knows what he's doing, and to whom.

www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

Take care.

horsetowater · 08/02/2014 15:31

You have done the right thing but I think it would be fair on him to make sure he doesn't think this is the last time he will see his family. It sounds like you really do love him and you went into the relationship knowing his past and you both believed you could overcome it.

As others have said, having a child can be a trigger which brings out past problems. He needs help with this but of course you and the children need to be absolutely safe.

He might be thinking that he's a failure and this could drive him over the edge. Having said that, the fact that he blamed you for 'having these conversations' isn't a good sign.

He does need specialist help - perhaps he should contact childline as they will help people with historical abuse issues as well.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 08/02/2014 16:13

Well done, you have taken yourself and your son to a position of safety.

I would only have contact with your h if another person is present in the room.

Notalwaysabowlofcherries · 08/02/2014 16:22

Well done, three ducks. You have shown huge courage in walking out and I salute you. The most important thing is to protect yourself and your little boy. This doesn't mean you are being uncaring, it means you are getting your priorities right ( redrubiesindigo's post really clarified that). Hopefully, DP will get help, but you are not equipped to treat him/fix him. Nor is it your responsibility. He may be extremely troubled, but he is an adult. Your little boy is unable to protect himself and his environment and you need to put him and yourself first. There have been some really wise and caring posts here. I wish you the best of luck .

horsetowater · 08/02/2014 16:24

Just out of interest what do your Mum & Dad think of him? Parents often have a good red flag barometer.

pictish · 08/02/2014 16:37

Oh yes...it's all YOUR doing of course. You have made him the way he is by showing displeasure at his perfectly acceptable behaviour, headbutting the wall. Hmm

You have done absolutely the right thing. He's full of shit, and he'll drag you down and drown you in it.

Get him out of your house asap. Good luck. xxx

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