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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Seeing your ex happy without you

7 replies

1983mummy · 05/02/2014 14:03

I don't want my ex back. We split nearly a year ago. Prior to that the last 12 months our relationship was awful and I didn't even realise who he was and how much pain he could cause me. So, why is it after going on Facebook today and looking at our mutual friend's pics of him with my ex and dd having loads of fun did I get extremely jealous?

OP posts:

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 05/02/2014 14:07

Because you're comparing where he's at to where you are?

Because it involves your DD, and these pics of happiness "could have been" you, so there's a bit of a feeling of missing out on good stuff?

TinselTownley · 05/02/2014 14:11

Because you endured those hellish months thinking there might be some reward at the end of it and now you feel like it was a terrible waste of time, love and resources?

It's what keeps us all hanging in. It's understandable you feel a bit gutted at realising all that was in vain.

Except, it wasn't. You're free to be happy now too.

louby44 · 05/02/2014 17:01

That's why I've cut all ties. De-friended people on FB (explained why). I just don't want to see it!

Andy1964 · 05/02/2014 17:50

Look at it like this,

You have both made the right decision and you are both happy with the lives you are now living.

newbieman1978 · 05/02/2014 20:10

The joys of split families.

When you have children with someone your lives will always cross to some extent.

Your life and your ex's will probably never be exactly the same so one of you will always be slightly jealous of the other (on the quiet obviously)

The trouble I have is I feel very guilty (even after 9 years apart)for being very happy and having a great life.

My ex's life is a bit of a shambles and I'm often still used as a sounding board and a lifeline. Because of my guilt and because we have a child I end up doing things I'd never do for a regular ex.

By the way I have nothing to feel guilty about, people say I'm a sucker!

I just live with the hope that in 4 years time when my son is 18 she'll have very little reason to contact me. My wife is counting the days!

KingRollo · 05/02/2014 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fifi669 · 05/02/2014 21:11

I don't want my ex back. We've been split 3 1/2 years. He's DS's absent father and on the odd occasion I see a picture of him enjoying life on fb it fills me with rage! Mostly because he ignores DS but I'm not ashamed to admit after treating me the way he did (and all the stories that came out after) I want him to end up alone and miserable!

All my other ex partners though I'm still friends with and like seeing their updates :)

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