I have become a cliche.

[CharCharGabor]

On Sunday night, my p told me that he didn't love me any more, and has been seeing someone else for three months (although I suspect longer.) I had no idea. We didn't argue, there was no obvious withdrawal or disappearing at odd times. I though our relationship was great. We had so many plans. I feel like it's happening to someone else.

We have 3 dds (6, 3 and 1). Dd1 sobbed when he told her and dd2 was just confused. He is gone now, living with the ow.

I don't know what I want from this thread. Maybe some positive stories about single parenting? I did not see myself ending up here at all. How do I make sure my girls are ok? I'm struggling to eat as it makes me feel sick but I'm doing my best.

Think I'm still in shock.

Totally get what you mean, it's just anything for survival, isn't it! I am eating dinner with them and trying to eat a little during the day as well. They are being really great, no trouble at all. Just needing a lot of cuddles and reassurance.

Have been on the phone sorting money out today, I really resent having to because it wasn't what I planned but we need to live.

This is just awful and I really feel for you.
Been there and got the t-shirt.
It does get easier but it will certainly take some time.
Sugary tea and orange juice ice lollies got me through.
I didn't sleep for months if I'm honest.
You are sounding very positive so early on so that's a good sign.
Make sure he takes his share of childcare as well.
I wish you well.

So sorry, OP. This is the sort of story that scares me. Just plodding along in tranquility, then BAMM. Yikes.

Honestly, I have read threads similar to this before and thought, surely someone can't change so suddenly? Someone can't pretend to be an entirely different person and then tip your life upside down. But I was wrong.

That is the worst thing. We rarely argued, got along so well and the whole time it was just a pretence. I feel so betrayed.

I am feeling positive in fits and starts at the moment. Financially I am nearly sorted, my landlady is happy for me to stay and claim housing benefit. I do feel like a have a kind of intense energy thing at the moment, can't sit still and doing lots of cleaning and tidying. But I am expecting to crash at some point. At least if I manage to get everything done I will not have much to do to keep up when that happens.

Sounds terrible, I've been through similar (yes it does happen to men!)

You will get through and you will be ok. Being a single parent of one for a time was hard enough so 3 I can't imagine. I don't know your situation but get as much help as you can from friends and family.

I'll probably get shot down for this but as I'm a man I'm going to say it.

The relationship you described didn't suggest that your ex was in any way a bad or abusive person and to that end I'd suggest opening up dialogue to sort out the practicalities.

It is very important (imho) that your girls have a good relationship with their father. In order to do that and as hard as it is at this time, the sooner he is having meaningful contact (whatever you want to call it) the better.
In these situations it is oh so easy (I've been there) to want your children all to yourself. Not healthy for you or the children.

Sorry if people disagree or it isn't what you want to hear. Just my opinion.

Good luck

I've actually already been very encouraging with contact, they have seen him and talked to him on the phone. I will be actively promoting a relationship with their dad, as I also work to heal the wounds he has caused for them. But I will also protect them. They are already hurt and confused. They will not be staying at the OW's house or going there. I can't imagine how confusing it would be for a child to see a house full of women's things, after all of this. Plus it is not a stable relationship. I will always put them first, as he obviously cannot. They will be able to look back and know that I did the right thing.

Well, I was doing quite well until this morning. Our pet budgie died :( The children found him when we were getting ready for school. They sobbed and sobbed. God, could this week get any worse?

Oh no - just what you need this week
Bless them, it must have horrible to find.
Lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles on the sofa later.

How are you feeling today in yourself?
Are you eating?
Did you sleep much?

Look after yourself as best you can!

I know, a bloody nightmare! But we will have a little funeral tonight, which I hope will help. And frankly, they need a good cry. I think that most of the tears today have been really about their dad, rather than the bird. We always watch a movie together on a Friday night, so we will do that with a few snacks and lots of love and cuddles.

I am feeling so up and down. A lot of the time I don't feel sad, but I do feel so broken and fragile and vulnerable. I swear if anyone was rude to me in a shop right now I would break down! I am struggling with eating but doing my best, am managing to eat dinner every day which is a start. Sleeping a little better, but still not falling asleep until late. I am still in a full on cleaning frenzy though, the house is looking nicer than it ever has.

Thank you for your message :)

Just read the thread and am so sorry that you are going through this. There's something that gets my goat about arseholes who have affairs and the stupid slappers they have affairs with, especially when said arsehole and stupid slapper know children are involved. It is different if you split with someone first, then get involved with someone else. And I have not had this happen to me so no first hand experience so I don't know where my indignation comes from!
If it is any consolation (and it probably won't be) there's a high chance their relationship won't last if he's moved in with her after 3 months or so (although I know there are exceptions).
Keep yourself strong, you have the moral high ground (if that helps), and use your support network. Check out where you can get financial help- and how. Best wishes to you.

Thank you for your post :) I would be surprised if it did last, tbh, and I'll never take him back. This is it now for him. He will probably have a succession of short term relationships, but he will never have what he had before. I would have done anything for him! Foolish man.

God this is so difficult. And lonely. I have no one to say good night to, no one to chat about inane crap with, no one to share my trivial worries and joys about the dc. And I don't have a moment to sit down as there's so much to do. How is this fair? He gets to do whatever he wants and I have to pick up all the pieces.

I am cycling between anger, sadness and a strange numbness. Yet I can still laugh and play with the children. It's all so complicated, my head is like a whirlwind. I have to go and give in my housing benefit form tomorrow, which was an epic mound of paper to plough through. Although I am looking forward to the children breaking up for half term, maybe I can have a bit of a rest then.

I just can't believe how much my life has changed in less than a fortnight.

I wish I could be like the kids. For now, they are taking it in their stride, and are so easily distracted. I feel like there is a heavy weight on my shoulders all of the time. I know some of it is worry about getting finances sorted out, but then there's all the rest.

Plus dd3 is teething and waking all night, poor thing. I am glad the other two are managing to sleep through, they often suffer with nightmares. It's so hard to get everything done, and everything ready for the next day when I'm up and down the stairs all evening.

I know exactly how you feel. It can be so massively exhausting dealing with all the day to day needs of young children single handed. I'm in a similar position to you and I get massive waves of resentment that he's been able to waltz off to an easy life where he can come and go as he pleases. But then I remind myself it's him that's missing out. What sort of idiot can walk away from their children. He's missing out on those day to day moments with your lovely girls and your bond with them will get stronger. All for the sake of the shallow first rosy glow of new "love." I hope you're feeling better today. It's hard work but it does get better x

Thank you for your post. I do feel a little better today, guess I was just having a maudlin evening. Meeting everyone's needs just feels so relentless atm. But I agree, he is missing out on so much. All those little funny conversations and the things they do that make me laugh. Just got to keep on slogging!