When is the best time to split?

[jampots]

Dh is out for hte day and as first thought we;'re having a lovely day - he'll probably be home about 11-12pm so not long left now. Aside from just having fun I've also managed to clear some unnecessary clutter from our bedroom and re-organise a bit and I've been thinking what a lovely time Im having. Things are not good between us atm and I am seriously considering ending our relationship which I am sure dh is also considering in any event - or at least he says as much. He is due to take his redundancy in the next month or so from work and has asked if I would consider moving out of the area if he looked elsewhere (north) for a job as he hates it round here. Ive said I wouldnt consider it at all and stated my reasons that (a) wouldnt move the childrens schools and (b) couldnt be somewhere with just him initially for company. Anyway, Im thinking that he should possibly look elsewhere himself for a job if he so desires but if he doesnt get a job straight away would I be letting him down by ending our relationship at the same time as his familiar job is also ending (he's been in the job about the same time we've been living togeher)

Hi jampots, I'm just about to head for bed but didn't want to pass by without posting. (I bet several others will, now that I have!) Sorry to hear that you're having to think these difficult thoughts. To answer your title question, I don't think there is such a thing as the "right" time. There's always a birthday looming or a school concert or a holiday or whatever. It has to be when it's right for you (and, if poss, dh and kids as far as is possible to do so). Thinking it through and talking it through and doing the research needed to see how things could work is probably useful. (I'm going to stop now and I bet that someone else will have posted what I was trying to say!) Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Oh JP honey, it has been lousy for quite a long time now, hasn't it.

FWIW you should stick to your guns, I am probably going over old ground here, but where would relate fit in to all of this shoite ??

I second the first post there is never a right time you just have to try to be nice about it if you can and tell him where its at. Dont leave any room for confusion and been prepared for him to question it alot if he needs too, to get his mind around it.

lol at "shoite" Sherlock

he has actually suggested going to see a relationship counsellor (not necessarily relate) as he needs someone else to tell him he's in the wrong as he wont take my word for it. Obviously in reality I have told him im not laying the blame entirely at his door but he needs to realise he is responsible for a lot of the anguish we are all experiencing. I wasnt sure if I was being "romantic" about having a nice day with the children when in fact the reality of living alone may be completely different (if that makes sense)

Whilst I think counselling is always a good idea and you should definitely try it if you can and he is willing, acn I also point out that my FIL spent 35 years waiting for the right time before he left MIL. Result: two financially spoiled lives and a fairly old lady on her own and still bewildered by it.

A day alone witht he kids is one thing- a lifetime another. I wouldn't base it on that, also there are many on here (me included) who have wanted to end their relationships and managed to come back from the brink; so it is worth trying what you can to save a marriage- isn't that what a marriage is fo?- but don't hang around for ever, either.