Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

I don't love Dh anymore and want to end my life.

19 replies

Suicidal5833 · 04/02/2014 09:51

I am a regular but have nc i have bipolar and since my episode started I've fallen out of love with Dh. The problem is I've fallen in love with another. I hate myself for this Dh is a good man and he is still my best friend but I just don't love him anymore.

I can't leave because I'll lose the house and I don't wanna do that to my kids. I feel so trapped and that my only way out is suicide. I've even started taking drugs and as a child of a addict it's something I swore never to do. Which only makes me hate myself all the more I don't get out of bed nd the only time I'm happy is when I'm with the person I love or on drugs. I can't seem to wait for my next hit so I can escape this hell. I'm such a pathetic excuse for a mother. I'm doing to my kids what was done to me.

OP posts:

curiousgeorgie · 04/02/2014 09:53

If you feel this way please call the Samaritans.

People fall out of love, there are steps you can take. Your children need you xx

curiousgeorgie · 04/02/2014 09:56

Is there anyone in real life you can call? A friend or a relative who could come to you?

PoshPaula · 04/02/2014 09:57

Please seek some help. Call the Samaritans. Situations do change and can change.

Your children are worth living for and your life is yours. Hold on to it.

whattodoforthebest2 · 04/02/2014 09:57

Do you have anyone in RL that you can talk to?

If you want to talk to someone in confidence, the Samaritans helpline is 08457 90 90 90.

I'm so sorry you feel like this - I'm sure you're not a bad mother, but you obviously need help right now - can you see your GP today?

Original poster

Suicidal5833 · 04/02/2014 09:58

No there is no one in rl I can tell this too.

OP posts:

HoratiaDrelincourt · 04/02/2014 09:58

You've said it yourself - it's the episode, not you.

Don't give up on your worst day.

And yes, do please call the Samaritans. They won't tell you what to do - they listen.

RudyMentary · 04/02/2014 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearleftmonkeyright · 04/02/2014 09:58

I am no expert but didn't want to read and run. Do you have medication? Have you been taking it? Please ring your gp or whoever supports you with your mental health. You can be helped. Hang in there, one step at a time but please get some help.

Original poster

Suicidal5833 · 04/02/2014 10:28

I have medication and I do take it I'm currently on the phone to the Samaritans.

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/02/2014 10:29

Tell The Samaritans what you have told us. Ring your doctor. Keep posting here.

Desperate as you are feeling, you still think with a mother's instinct, you know that your children need you. Anything reckless you do will affect them for years afterwards, they will blame themselves. Nothing justifies that burden. Please phone someone.

Fairylea · 04/02/2014 10:33

You don't need me to tell you that part of the reason you probably feel this way is the drugs. You really need help to get off them and being around someone who is also an addict is only going to make things worse as it will normalise it.

Not loving your husband is not a crime. It's sad yes but people get divorced everyday. I've been divorced twice and am now remarried (I left first husband, second left me). If you have young children and are a responsible parent (no drugs!) the courts will usually let you keep the house. Get a solicitors advice.

You don't need to end your life because you've fallen out of love. You just need to fall in love with yourself. Distance yourself from the other man. You're too vulnerable to be around him.

ineedabodytransplant · 04/02/2014 17:43

OP, first you need professional help. And kjck the OM to the kerb.

Fairylea, is it fair that the OP has turned her back on her husband as she's found someone else and her husband has to leave? I agree that falling out of love isn't a crime but why should her OH suffer?

ineedabodytransplant · 04/02/2014 17:43

Kick, not kjck

RandomMess · 04/02/2014 17:46

Do you have a CPN or access to see a consultant or CPN urgently? You need some professional help and perhaps you medication needs looking at carefully.

Original poster

Suicidal5833 · 04/02/2014 17:49

I don't have a cpn anymore I was discharged when I was well and my pychiatrist has not re referred me. Just to make it clear I have done nothing with this other man.

OP posts:

Original poster

Suicidal5833 · 04/02/2014 17:55

The problem is I will lose the house because I can't work owing to a disabled dd so I won't be able to afford the mortgage.

OP posts:

Fairy1303 · 04/02/2014 18:02

Is it just since you have been unwell that you have fallen in love? My friend has BPD and often 'falls in love' with people when unwell.

It's absolutely ok to not love your husband anymore.
You will find a new home, with your children.

But I think you need to wait until you are well, before you decide.
So glad you are speaking to the Samaritans, please speak to your GP too.

You are doing great x

Fairylea · 04/02/2014 18:21

Indeed - I'm not suggesting the husband leave to make him suffer. I'm suggesting that if the op is the main carer for the dc then in all normal circumstances she will be entitled to keep the family home until such time as the children have left education or she can purchase her husbands share if financial circumstances change. Of course her husband would be sad, but two people living together unhappily is sad for both of them and any children involved. By leaving her husband he is free to find someone else and in turn find happiness again too, as is the op. It isn't about making someone suffer. Everyone is already suffering.

Op please seek some help. Go and see your gp.

Also you say you don't think you would be able to afford the mortgage with a disabled child - please visit turn to us website (Google it) and enter details as a single parent and see what benefits you would be entitled to. As per my previous comment if you are legally married your dh may be responsible for making maintenance payments towards the mortgage to allow you and dd to remain there. Please get a free short appointment with a solicitor and ask, at lleast then you'd know.

livingzuid · 04/02/2014 18:27

I have bipolar too and when I'm in a manic or depressive state I can barely look at Dh. But I know that's the mania talking. Are you on lithium or any other medication still? Can't believe they discharged you, is there not a community mental health person to see you or that you can call. There should also be a crisis line you can call. Please don't be ashamed or worried about the drug use they are experienced in this. I spent 30k in my last manic phase! You must go to your Gp and get to see the psychiatrist again please do before you do something that you and your dcs will regret forever.

Can you at least tell your dp that you are having an episode? Does he know to support you?

You know this is the bipolar taking, not you. Once you are back to yourself then you can look at your relationship again and decide what you want with a clear head. I really hope you get some help soon, it's a terrible feeling but with help you will get better

Flip