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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This is getting ridiculous.

20 replies

youaretooyoung97 · 04/02/2014 05:37

So, myself and the fiancé have been together for just over 2 years, and engaged for 7 months. And to be honest, I don't know what to do. For the past couple of months we've been non-stop arguing; and every time we argue, he screams at me to take off my ring. If I say no, he continues to call me names and blame myself for the argument. Then if I do, he also screams at me, telling me that I'm awful for taking it off, and that it must mean nothing to me? I've spoken to him about this conflict battle and how I can't win, but it's like he's not even listening to me. It gives me the impression that he's too immature to be engaged if this is how he's reacting, but I just don't want to have to let him go... Someone help me? I'm so stuck, I don't know what to do...

OP posts:

bragmatic · 04/02/2014 05:43

How old are you both?

Original poster

youaretooyoung97 · 04/02/2014 05:47

Bragmatic: I'm 17 and he's 19.

OP posts:

bragmatic · 04/02/2014 05:49

Not that age really matters. But you sound very young and if you are then in my humble opinion you should be concentrating on building a career and financial independence rather than tying yourself down to an emotional cripple and possible abuser.

Disentangle yourself from this man. He's not good for you. You deserve better.

BillyBanter · 04/02/2014 05:50

You have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't waste soothe minute of it getting married to someone who shouts at you.

BillyBanter · 04/02/2014 05:50

Soothe = another

bragmatic · 04/02/2014 05:51

X post.

Good god girl! You have a brilliant life ahead of you!! Go get it. Without him. You're both way too young.

Original poster

youaretooyoung97 · 04/02/2014 05:53

This is bringing tears to my eyes... Not even wearing ring now because he took it off in our last argument!

OP posts:

paxtecum · 04/02/2014 06:08

Love, do really don't need him in your life.
He won't improve.

Give him the ring back, leave him and forget about him.

No face book arguments or texting each other.
Get him completely out of your life.

You will feel so much better without him.

Concentrate on yourself rather than trying to keep a man happy.

Presumably you don't have any DCs?

Best wishes to you.
x

bragmatic · 04/02/2014 06:19

Do you live together? Do you have somewhere to go?

differentnameforthis · 04/02/2014 07:00

This has nothing to do with age, really...I met dh as a teen, got engaged & married him before I was 21. We have been together for 20yrs. So I am not going to say anything about being young etc.

What I will say is that this : He is showing you, quite clearly, who he is. He is controlling (telling you to take your ring off, put it back on etc). He is gaslighting you (blaming you for the arguments, making you feel it is your fault). You can leave now, when your life is pretty straightforward, or you can stay, marry him, have children & watch him get worse. Because he will.

Listen to him...he is giving you clear warnings.

SanityClause · 04/02/2014 07:07

What differentname said.

He might change as he gets older, but if you stay together, this behaviour will become a habit.

So, if you want to give him the chance to change, you need to break up with him. (Properly, not on again, off again.)

DrNick · 04/02/2014 07:08

Er... Leave him?

NorksAreMessy · 04/02/2014 07:25

Loving relationships are not like this.
Please give him back his weapon ring and walk away from a terrible future

Hissy · 04/02/2014 07:33

A 19yo treating you like this? Now?

He will only get worse.

End it now. Seriously. You are in for a life of pain if you stay with him.

You should be happy, with the world at your feet at 17, not putting up with some bully screaming at you.

For future, if someone screams/shouts/threatens to end a relationship with you to get their own way, YOU need to end it. Right there and then. And not to go back.

I worry that this guy's abusive, and this nasty this early is very scary.

2 women a week are killed by their partners, someone like him could easily develop into the kind of partner that does this.

Can you talk to your parents about this? Let them help? Or could you call woman's aid?

Please be strong, don't put up with this.

Meerka · 04/02/2014 07:39

he either needs to grow up a hell of a lot or you need to leave him.

He's playing games with you so that you can't win, whatever you do you're wrong. I'm afraid that it will take him many years to grow up and find a better way of resolving arguments so I'm afraid it's best to walk away now. The good times will be tainted by these bad times and being always in the wrong will poison your self-confidence.

differentname summed it up better! :)

tallwivglasses · 04/02/2014 08:07

read this, OP It should be on the school curriculum.

MushroomSoup · 04/02/2014 08:08

If my 17 yr old DD told me her boyfriend was doing this to her, I'd ram that ring down his scrawny fucking throat.

SomethingkindaOod · 04/02/2014 11:12

He's doing this to you now, at the age of 19. Imagine what he could be like at the age of 30 when you have children and over a decade of being screamed at for no reason behind you.
Don't put the ring back on and run like the bloody wind.

mrsjrob · 04/02/2014 11:23

You have to end it and go live you life, he will hold you back, drag you down and yes he will get worse.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/02/2014 11:25

Better to have all this happen now before you are married or pregnant, you can call a halt and get out quickly. If things go wrong to the point a partner screams at you and starts messing with your head, stop, think, get out. I would say this to a 17 year old or a 27 year old.

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