Dh acting like an arse

[FlyingDucky]

This morning he couldn't find his glasses, threw a strop and was marching around muttering, opening drawers, banging them shut etc. so far, so normal.

He then looked at me, sitting with dc and reading paper and told me to stop smirking and help him.

I said I'm not smirking I'm reading and your glasses are not my responsibility. He launched into a tirade, starting with why can't you help me, ending in an accusation that I have mental health issues. Wtaf? I ignored that and just said stop having a toddler tantrum, its not all about you and find your own glasses. During this Dc1 starts shouting stop it, stop arguing.

I left and went upstairs, took some deep breaths, then returned and started making up the lunches. Dh came up and tried to hug me. I said no. Not until you apologise. I'm not being attacked in my own home. He then apologised and later sent me a text saying the same.

I'm still pissed off with him.

sounds like he had a tantrum and you dealt with it the only way a tantrum should be dealt with. Calmly and firmly.

i assume the losing things is a regular occurrence, hence the refusal to assist?

I think an apology is not enough though. I'd want to sit down and make it very clear that it was unacceptable behaviour not to be repeated.

I think he needs to acknowledge the effect on your DC. I may be mistaken as it's very easy to make 5 from 2+2 in a written post, but I get the impression that displays of temper and arguing are not rare events in your home. How do you feel about things generally?

Generally things are good and the only time we seem to argue really is mornings or getting ready to go out.

Things flare up every couple of months or so. He gets so stressed because he needs to leave on time but loses things. He generally takes ages to get ready and while we are used to his ways, ie. sitting in the car for 5 mins while he faffs about, this 'going on the attack' business is not on.

We have had conversations before. He admits its his problem and things improve for a while.

Dahlen you make a good point, I hold my ground and can cope, although it pisses me off, but he needs to consider the effect of his behaviour on dc.

You could try talking to him about the well-known damaging effects parental conflict has on DC. Would that shake him up?

If he acknowledges things are his fault and that they improve for a while after each flare up, could you prompt him to reassess before things slide to the point where he provokes a row?

Clearly he needs to get more organised, sorting his things out well in advance so he's not rushing about totally stressed. Either that or he learns to control his temper, but he can't have it both ways. Not doing one or the other is not an option.

Ultimately, though, unless there are unpleasant consequences for his behaviour that he wants to avoid in future, he's probably not going to change, sorry.

It would shake him up, he values dc above everything.

I will definitely point out to him that now they are older they notice and it's affecting them.

He needs to address this.

Thank you.

Why wouldn't you help him find his glasses?

I'd be pretty pissed off too if I needed help and my DH was sat there knowing I was in a tizz and wasn't going to help.

Btw, just for background, I'm the organised one and he's the one who loses things and I'd constantly borrowing my keys etc. however, he has strengths I don't have and it evens out. He doesn't do it on purpose to piss me off so I I help when I can, just as he helps me with things he's better at.

Sounds like a typical morning in a family house, we all take our moods out on our loved ones now and again, not right no but we do all do it.

I would definitely be pointing out the effect on the child though, not fair.

Sounds like my dp when he's tired. He has apologised twice so I would leave it at that. Perhaps a gentle conversation about arguing/verbally attacking you in front of the children might suffice. We all get grumpy sometimes and our partners usu

Gah. *usually bear the brunt of it.