new relationship

[jesy]

hi
just a bit of advice needed really, i met a bloke on line before Christmas we got on well and i agreed to meet him, ill admit i wasn't that attracted to him on the first date , in fact id ignored his profile on line for a bit before he messaged me , mainly as he had three kids.
any way we texted over Christmas got chatting and he said let me take you for a coffee , tbh i was impressed that he was so matter of fact about it.
we got on well and have had 5 dates since, he is thoughtful, very kind and im blushing as i write this but he gave me the best oral sex i have ever had, we haven't had full sex yet as basically we both had to move back in with parents in last few years.
anyway im not sure i am doing the right thing i keep having little doubts but then last night when he said he was tired and didn't want to text i was gutted and did miss him over the evening.

i have a horrible feeling i am still in love with the bloke i had a fling with last year. we are no longer in contact his choice not mine.

just a bit of advice really do i continue with this guy who deep down i really like,
maybe i just wanted to get this off my chest lol.

Why do you have to rush into another relationship?

Can't new bloke just be a FWB until you get to know him better?

How about you do some introspection to see if he ticks ALL your boxes; not just a few?

Until you know your own mind, no-one is better than anyone!

If he's not in contact with you then it's a little difficult to continue really. Although one night of being tired and not texting sounds more like a pause rather than the end. As on-line hook-ups can be a very mixed bag, are you sure he lives with his parents? Have you ever met them or met him at their house?

i didn't plan to rush into anything the guy last year i guess was just a bit off fun but i wanted more but it wasn't to be. he told me from start he just wanted to be mates but i guess in my stupidly little head i got carried away.

so when i met rp on line i wasn't looking for much not even a fwb situation.

i think rp is telling me truth about his parents in fact i did do a little on line snooping and what he has told me all fits.

sorry to be thick but what is introspection

So, your problem is that you think you are developing feelings for new guy, but also still have lingering feelings for last year's guy?

As in: you're not sure you're actually ready to date yet?

I think it's a really good thing that you and last year's guy have no contact: it's the best and quickest way to get over a failed relationship. It's normal for you to still feel some kind of connection to him: the two of you shared an emotional bond. The person he is ticked a few important boxes for you. That's all real. The thing is, it is also a relationship that is over. That's the other thing you have to accept. Yes, there was a bond, and yes, despite that, it's over - probably for very good reasons (remind yourself of those).

Try to consign thoughts of last year's guy to your mental archive. It is indeed not very honourable (and doomed to failure) to date someone else when you are not over the previous person.

Focus on the present: last year's guy is not part of that present. And there's a new guy to discover. See how that unfolds.

Introspection - thinking about your own thoughts, feelings, wants, needs.

Find your own tick boxes and create your own boundaries that must not be crossed. Finding out what you are comfortable with! And more importantly NOT comfortable with so can maintain your boundaries and self respect.

I do still have some feelings for last bloke but I know it was never to be and yes maybe its best we no longer in contact , I texted him on 31st just to say good luck and bye, it been a month since we last spoke and basically what sort of man gets angry that I sent a card, unless he lied and was married ???

new guy he is sweet, kind, ( just texted to see if I was ok as I was really quiet ) thoughtful ( planned a lovely date at weekend which hed obviously been planning earlier on in week as hed asked sneaky questions ect.)

he even bought a spare coat with him at weekend for me as he knows I cant afford to buy a winter coat.
part of me isn't that physically attracted to him (but I wasn't with my first boy friend )but he makes me laugh and tbh there are more pros than cons

thanks tweeny

been sat here thinking and my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster in last 3 years , met who I thought was mr right fell madly in love to be dumped , wed had sex a few months after that and I got pregnant but lost it at ten weeks.
changed jobs during that time then lost job met a decent bloke who I liked but he didn't want what I want , so got hurt again.
all I want is basically a job, a home and some one who cares about me and I can care for him.

We'll then, there's the start to your list.

Refine it a bit. What sort of job? Home? Bloke?

Small steps. Get your CV up to date, practice adding/taking away bits so it gets focused on the sort of job you want. College? Training? You're in a position to investigate options and start putting the wheels in motion.

im a nurse by training , I have a nanny agency interview today so that progress.
home wise my ex ex bf is selling his place and said hed give me first refusal ( we like brother and sister these days odd I know ) but no chance of even getting the deposit

I hope if I get the nanny job I can get extra nursing shifts been offered work but its a 2 n half hour communte so id only want to do one a month but it would help.
as for a bloke well this new one is nice but not overly physical in public ie holding hands ect and I miss that .

the agency job seems amazing only part time possibly 30 hours which tbh is perfect I could do a agency shift to bump up pay and then maybe just maybe do some modules at uni id love that its funy hated school but now miss learning lol.