My FB newsfeed is full of statuses and photos of people having fun with friends

[beigecurtains]

And it just makes me depressed.

This weekend alone there has been a group of 'besties' that have all been to London for a 40th, another group that went on a fun spa hen weekend, another group that have been to a big city clubbing, and numerous others having great nights out ranging from an 80s disco to a murder mystery night. All with people waxing lyrical about how wonderful their friends are and about how much they adore each other.

I never get invited to hen weekends, or to girlie weekends away, or to fun nights out, or weddings. I don't get asked to be a godparent to anyone's child. I don't have anyone saying nice things about me, or what a great friend I am.

I do have friends, but all my friendships seem to be low key, with just the occasional coffee or night out for a meal in a small group.

I don't know how I've missed out on all the fun that others seem to have with their friends. If I try to arrange anything then people just let me down. It's my 40th in a couple of years and I'd love to have a girls' weekend away, or a party, but I honestly don't think anyone would come.

Sorry for self pitying moan.

I often feel like this too

Fancy Vegas for our 40th we can put loads of pics on FB

Do sometimes think that if they're having such a good time why r they posting on FB all the time?

do you arrnge stuff?

Fuck FB. Don't look at it. It's utter bollocks.

Start contacting the friends you actually do like and ask them if they are free - just pick a random month (July?) and hook up. Keep at it. Then by the time your 40th comes around you'll all be looking forward to it. Go on

Haha yes please Moss! Vegas sounds great!

DrNick, yes I do arrange stuff, or at least I try to but either no one can come, or they cancel at the last minute. I will admit though that I've kind of given up arranging things now.

I have this on my fb too!

They are having so much fun taking pictures in public toilets, and uploading them whilst on the night out, that they cant possibly be having such a good time

I always feel like I'm on the outside of groups but can never get into the inside. I get on with people, and I think people do seem to like me, but they don't seem to like me enough to actually invite me to things.

There is a group of mums at the DCs school that I'm friendly with, and I chat to, and they're all lovely to me. But they all have regular nights out, and are very chummy with each other, but they don't ever invite me to anything, yet talk about it in front of me.

Oh Beige i feel your pain! I too have given up trying to organise things as the same happens. I genuinely thought I was the only one who felt like this. I get really down about it and think 'is it me? Am I this person that people don't value and feel they can let down without a thought.

There is my 'self pitying moan' for tonight.....xx

Friend me. I never have any of that crap on my timeline.

It's good to know I'm not alone in how I feel :)

The group of 'besties' that have been away for the weekend are all women I've known for years but they give off the impression of having this really exclusive group, and everyone seems to want to be friends with them to try and break into this group. Every so often they'll let someone else into their group (reminds me of all the Unicorn club crap in sweet valley high books, if anyone else remembers them from their youth!), and they'll be a 'bestie' too.

I feel like every established group that I know is the same. No one ever seems open to inviting more people.

I often feel exactly the same way. My Facebook newsfeed is also full of photos of people having fun with friends, and weekends away, and I never get invited to anything like that at all.

Someone on my Facebook friends recently, whom I would, or did, consider to be a close friend, decided to organise a weekend away, and did a status about it, tagging 50+ people asking if they would be interested, but not me!

I too end up friendly with various groups of people but nobody seems to like me quite enough to invite me into the inner circle so to speak.

Being part of any friendship "inner circle" takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if people don't all enthusiastically join the events you try to arrange: keep at it! People with active social lives invest a lot of their time and effort in it. It's not magic, and it's not about you being disliked or unlikeable, it's about you putting in the time and effort. Or not.

People are LAZY. They need things made easy for them. And in order to help them develop a new habit - eg., the new habit of including you in their activities - you need repeated efforts. Repeated.

Also, Facebook is used to post the best and most positive things about our lives. So if photos of these events are being broadcast, it's because they are special to these people - not because their life is an endless party. But that when a party does happen, it is noteworthy.

I keep thinking that me and my DH should have a better social life. Trouble is, when it comes down to it we are so wrapped up in ourselves and family we don't want to! Doesn't stop us thinking we out to though and being concerned at the old question, 'If I died, how many people would be at my funeral?'

oh beige don't compare your life to those on FB. People always put the best things up to show off even if they aren't having a great time. Its mostly show, Ive done it myself, and I have also felt bad about envying others liestyles.

stick with your select group of mates, suggest a night out, and let them come up with an idea.

maybe log out of Facebook too....?

I wouldn't give to much credence to the fb status update. I have been (couldn't keep saying no) to a couple of these nights out and the fb status updates bear no resemblance to the night. In my experience the number of facebook updates and pictures of a night out have a direct correlation to the general crapness of the night. And I only know two groups of "bestos" like you describe and the bitching these supposed bestos do behind each others backs just makes me giggle when I see the fb updates.

I have a couple of groups of close friends family who do these things and funnily enough the nights are always great and facebook hears nowt.

Ask yourself why do people feel the need to prove how fab life is???

Have you tried with the school gate group chatting about a night saying"that sounds great, I'd love to do that, when you planning it?" Or something else which makes it clear you'd like to come and gives them a chance to invite you. Or just be brazen and invite yourself along. I find everyone is as shy and unsure as everyone else. I have been on the other side and too shy to ask someone who I like but never seems to come to stuff or show an interest in doing so and I imagine she doesn't want to so I fear rejection and don't bother asking.

I deactived my account for January thinking it would be a loss but it really helped my mood. It is great for planning social events but I am wary of all the updates of it being the best night ever! I have since went back on it because I had an invite arranged through it (there were photos of it and you would think it was the best thing ever too but and it was nice but...) and keep telling myself to come back off it.

I do agree with the advice above about having to make an effort to join in rather than waiting to be asked to be invited to stuff.

I feel for you about the 'outside looking in' to groups of friends. I get on well with lots of people but never end up in the 'inner circle'.

Regarding the photos and status updates - the only time I was prolific in doing this was when my life was so unbearable I had to remind myself that there were nice things happening. It was my way of documenting the good times and getting through.
Things are definitely not always how they seem.

I think I have around 2 people I know in real life on facebook. I use it very differently than most people, its under my mumsnet name, with only mumsnetters added, I subscribe to a lot of political, activist and news sites and I play poker and scrabble - that's about it

I cannot for the life of me imagine giving a shit about other peoples minutia in the main and again, in the main I don't exept pople to be interested in mine

although when I psoted apicure of my first ginger cake, I did expect my fan fare tbh :)

Facebook is other peoples edited highlights. Don't be sad that your non edited life doesn't match up.

FB is depressing and so full of exaggerations and lies, ignore it!

I deleted mine last year as it was doing my head in seeing people having a spiritual awakening in India whilst I'm stuck in the office looking at railings!
The worst website in modern technology I hate it!

This "bestie" group aren't friends, really are they?

Delete them from your FB and move on from them. Focus on other friends, cultivate nice people. Puts me in mind of people trying to break into the 'popular group' at school. Doomed enterprise and the people in it may not really be very pleasant.

"Fuck FB. Don't look at it. It's utter bollocks. "

This basically. For some people it's just a "Hey, look at me!" load of old doodah.