How to conduct new relationship around children?

[KeepAbreast]

This is something I've never really thought about before but my DP and I have recently split and now I'm wondering.

How does one go about a new relationship when responsible for young children? I am now the single mother of a ten-month-old DD. Her father can't have her overnight or really take her out anywhere as he is currently living with a friend and works full time. Is it the "done thing" to invite new partners round, after children are in bed maybe? I wouldnt feel right about introducing DD to someone new unless I was very sure about them, but I cant really see how I'd avoid it! I don't think I'd want to hire a babysitter, and family members are reluctant as DD is a poor sleeper. It gets more depressing the more I think about it!

Why wouldn't you want to hire a babysitter?

Initially, I certainly wouldn't invite anyone around when dd is in bed, particularly as you mention she is a poor sleeper.

Why does your dh living with a friend preclude him from having dd to stay? Presumably she could sleep in his room with him?

Take your time. Look into options as to who can look after your DD first maybe building up from someone watching her for an hour or two.

With inviting new partners round, it would work better if it was someone you already know or have at least got to know them a bit first. Lunch time dates are another option and great for first dates when you don't want to waste time, money and stress on a babysitter for someone you don't even click with.

BTW living with a friend and working full time are pretty poor excuses for not having your child overnight but then again, ten months is still quite young for a child to be away from their mother over night. Work on it.

I only see my new man when my kids are with their Dad or I have a day off and they are at school, this works out quite well as both of us work shifts and have had the same day off some weeks. I am not planning on introducing him to the children for quite some time.

With a little one as young as yours, I would suggest having daytime dates when family members might be willing to have her as the sleep will not be an issue. Also, if her Dad cannot have her over night at the moment, there is no reason why he can't have her in the day on a weekend, maybe work at making this a regular thing; say, he has her every Saturday or Sunday from 10 til 4 or something, that way when she is a bit older her staying over wont be so much of a problem as she will be more used to him.

It is hard, no doubt about it. When she's a bit older she will go to nursery and you will have short windows then. And if you do find someone you like and want to see them of an evening then, yes, they can come round when she's asleep. You are still entitled to have a life!

She's 10 months old - you're not "introducing her" to anyone :)
Fine to have a boyfriend round when she's asleep, sod the done thing (whatever that is here!) do what works for you and your child!
I wouldn't want first few dates being in my home - so regardless of child that's a no no for me. So - babysitter of family (I was happy to help a friend with a non sleeper, had one of my own!). If your baby isn't breast feeding now, and you're OK with her being away overnight, then her father has to sort out an overnight plan. Be that at his friends, or going to his mum's or whatever. It's his problem.