Same sex crush on married coworker

[confusedatwork]

I've been in a new job since September, and I've been finding it pretty tough and am really struggling. I've been very depressed and recently started taking medication (not for the first time, this is a problem I have had in the past)

One of my coworkers noticed that I was unhappy, and she has been really supportive. Over the last few weeks we've become very close as she told me she also went through a similar thing a few years ago, so she has some idea of what I'm going through. She has given me work mentoring, which has been really helpful, persuaded me to seek professional help for my depression (I'm now on medication and have just started counselling) and also just been there to chat and support me when I have been feeling down.

We are now friends on Facebook and also text each other frequently, mainly talking about how I am feeling, discussing work and just generally wishing each other a good day/evening/weekend. I chat with her far more than any of my other friends or coworkers. I don't know if this is just because she is very chatty like this with all her friends, or because she is looking out for me because she knows I am depressed and struggling at the moment.

I am a closet bisexual/lesbian/unsure, and have a crush on her. She is happily married to a man. She has no idea about the way I feel about her, and I am sure that she doesn't feel the same way. However, I care about her as a friend too, and want her to be happy.

Although I have been pretty honest with her about most things, I think that telling her that I have a crush on her would ruin our friendship. I think that part of the reason we are able to have a close friendship is because she assumes that I am a straight woman, I doubt she would have a close friendship like this with a male coworker, or therefore with a lesbian woman.

I know that sometimes when I go to have a chat to her when I'm upset I am either distracting her from work, or if its after work then I am making her late home. She says she doesn't mind if it's helping me with work. I think if she knew how I actually felt, these chats would stop and she would want to keep a distance between us.

I don't think there's really anything I can do at the moment, except wait for the crush to go away on its own and hope we remain friends, but if anyone does have any suggestions I'd like to hear them. Also I just wanted to get this out, as it's been so hard keeping it bottled up.

Sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. If she hadn't been so friendly and caring towards you, do you think you would have felt the same way about her, or doyou think you feel like this because of that? I hope that makes sense to you, I know what I mean.

I don't think you have an option but to keep quiet.

She's married so you don't say or do anything. The same as you would presumably do if she was a male coworker/friend.

Keep it to yourself. It shall pass.

You're having a shit time, and her being nice, makes you feel nice. It probably could have been anyone.

I think that is what I was trying to say, I'matot

Crushes can screw your head up a lot. Check whether you are ovulating - this can make feelings for other people appear more intense. she is married - remind yourself of this fact.

She is making you feel good about yourself which is a fantastic lift if you are down but is addictive- do you feel good about yourself generally?

If not then try to work on that (counselling?) and you'll be able to let go of the need to have her validation as a crutch and hopefully the crush will recede.

Alternatively start dating women and see if you can get your need for intimacy met elsewhere and more healthily.

I've been in a similar position, and I outed myself to my crush, the whole friendshop changed. Not everyone is the same but I feel you don't have anything to gain from telling her. At the same time, if you are planning on keeping her as a friend she may become upset that you have kept the fact you are bi from her....

You have a perfect insight in to your situation.Trust your instinct and don't tell her.
If I were your colleague and you told me,I would feel betrayed and used.

Thanks for the advice.

Just confirmed what I already knew really, that the best thing is probably just to do nothing and wait for it to pass. I would much rather stay friends with her even though it means keeping this from her.

I think some people here are definitely on the right track in saying that it's since she's been friendly and caring towards me that these feelings have become so strong.

I'm on the pill, so not ovulating, although that could well mess up my hormones too. I have depression, and pretty low self esteem, so I don't usually feel good about myself. I am having counselling at the moment, so hopefully this may address these issues.