Anyone decided to give up on relationships?

[superstarheartbreaker]

And feel better for it? I have just got rid of the latest of a long line of pricks. I do choose some right idiots.
I'm no angel. I do get quite insecure if I'm with a new partner and although I try not to show it, it must manifest. Tbh I am very sad as I feel very unsupported. I suffer from anxiety occasionally and my last bf dumped me because of my anxiety regarding a new job.
Men never seem to deliver the kind of support that I crave. I have been dumped for: starting a new job, getting pregnant, getting upset about drugs, etc etc etc.
I just feel like giving up and that I'm destined to be alone but at the same time I feel a bit jealous of everyone around me who seems it so easy to find someone to love and support them.

[DorothyGherkins]

I think family and friends who are in a relationship feel a bit threatened by a woman on her own - their problem, not yours! And maybe one or two of them are a little bit envious. I had a close friend who has a horrendous relationship with her husband, who said when I told her I was leaving my ex, she wished she could do the same.

[Handywoman]

Am pleasantly surprised at how content I am now STBXH is not around, sucking the life out of everything. I actually have time to myself now, to pursue little things that make me happy. I would be mad to give that up. Til my dc are grown I am very content without a man. After that Im sure I'll be too set I my ways for a LTR.

Ha !

[DorothyGherkins]

I think when there is a man around, you often dont find your inner strength, - I ve been pleasantly surprised by all the things I thought I couldnt do - but actually, I can, and I can do them rather well!

[MrsBobHale]

I started a similar thread a couple of weeks ago. Can't link because I'm on my phone.

It was a real turning point when i realised i like being single. It's a very positive choice for me and i don't give a shit if people think it's some sort of failure.

The hardest thing for me now is to try not to be so positive and evangelical that all my friends get divorced!

[MavisGrind]

I read this article today which was an interesting look at living alone

Although I have small dcs and pets so don't currently live alone I have been single for several years and have no intention to change that.

[MavisGrind]

Ah, BobHale - I couldn't remember who had started that thread (should have remembered - I love HH!)

It is a positive thing being happy with being single. Society just needs to catch up with this thinking.

[wallypops]

Single with 2 DDs for the last 6 years. Still love it totally. No compromises. No negotiations. No-one else's issues to deal with. I'm the boss. I have a large house and a lot of people living in it who do all the boring stuff that needs doing in return for living rent free and I work part time and run 2 businesses. I couldn't have started even one business with my last partner leeching the life out if me.

Result is my DDs know that I am wonder woman and they can be too. I get to choose their role models both male and female by choosing who lives with us. They have learnt to talk to anyone and everyone. Works for us.

[wundawoman]

"A sense of having failed as a woman" if you leave a relationship...

On the contrary I think it is very brave and says a lot about the women that decide to take responsibility for their own lives. I admire my friends who left their unhappy marriages; they are all much happier. I hope I can follow in their footsteps....

[Undertone]

Holla!

Single here for yonks. 30. Own my flat. It's gorgeous and tidy when I can be arsed and every time I feel lonely (which very rarely happens) I think about how much power and agency I have within my own life. I don't really miss sex (I was never with any particularly gifted or thoughtful partners).

To plan for the future solo is quite liberating. I have a big network of single/dating friends and they're all far prettier and more amenable than I am, and they're having a rough time of it finding any candidates. Tbh it sounds exhausting so it's a big "fuckety-bye!" From me to the whole depressing dating treadmill.

[elsabel]

Hi everyone and thankyou for this thread! My long term boyfriend has recently left me and our 8 month old DD. Its shit and i realisr more and more what an arse he really was. Right now im so busy sorting out the practicalities and looking after DD that i havent had much time to think about the prospect that i am now single and alot of the time, alone (apart from my DD and amazing friends and family)

But the posts here make me much more optimisitic about it all. Thankyou, keep posting, and words or wisdom and experiences welcome!

[superstarheartbreaker]

Elsabel- what an arse. I guess if your single by choice it's one thing . Being left sucks. I'm not single by choice.

I was willing to friends with my ex until he described me as 'all over the place' when I started my new job. I was stressed and also he refused to talk to me or travel to see me when I started my new job. Tbh I am cut up about it but must move on.

[MrsBobHale]

For those regretting the loss of a bin putter outer - between DD and I we rarely generate a full bin in a fortnight, so if I can't be arsed putting it out every time I don't - and no one else cares!

Apart from my mum when she comes to visit and moans her head off about my smelly bin!

[joblot]

I keep trying but christ it's dispiriting- can't even blame men as I'm a lesbian. Was thinking of devising a pre relationship test to try judge better if a person is emotionally ready for a relationship. I've met a few recently who were way too fucked up/hung up for a new relationship. I gave them the benefit of the doubt- who hasn't got baggage after all?- but am weary of it all.

So yes I'm giving up too. Seeing the positives of singledom on here helps.

[DorothyGherkins]

Some of the positives of singledom for me: buying flowers instead of meat, watching a film instead of the football, an early night is just that, no ulterior motive, chocolate for tea if you dont feel like cooking, nice music instead of loud thrash, enough floorspace to dance round the room now there are no longer piles of car magazines, leaving my sewing project out instead of having to pack up after every session, just being able to sit in silence, and best of all, weekends where I dont do laundry, cook or shop - two days all to myself!

[Sasquatch75]

It'll be 6 months tomorrow since my h left me and our 3 DCs...

And although I still hate his guts and would love for his relationship with the ow to fail and he be really hurt by her... Actually I am really quite happy he's gone! He was shite with money... Earned over £50k but never saved anything. Always spent it... Huge hd tv, all manner of gadgets and phones... Top sky tv package etc.

So now I am in charge of MY house. I get to do what I want when I want. If I want to take the DCs to Macdonalds for tea, I can! Love not having to ask his opinion on anything at all. It really is liberating, and I've learned so much! Done loads of DIY, and sorted car stuff out. Scary to start with but I am so much stronger now. And my kids thinks I'm superwoman :)

[redundantandbitter]

My neighbour puts my bins out , bless him.

His partner (50ish) recently came outside the house to wonder what the noise was... Me chopping logs into kindling (on our shared drive). She was wimpy incredulous. I said 'there's no one else to do it and besides I love wielding an axe!!'

[FetchezLaVache]

Almost exactly what handywoman said! I love living on my own. I never, ever feel bored or lonely. I have such negative associations with having a partner and it's been such a long time since I had any sense of companionship with my ex that it never occurs to me to miss being in a relationship. It's only been 14 months, but if anything I feel happier and happier to be on my own as time goes on. I can see myself getting very set in my ways... :)

[Lioninthesun]

I hear you OP!
I have little family input and don't drive which have made things challenging with a toddler. However the array of issues every man I have ever known brings into a relationship just doesn't make it worth all of the extra effort. If men had as much prowess for helping around the house or with their own children as they do at having affairs and disabling weekends to watch sport, I think the world would be a much happier place!

I often hear coupled friends complaining about their men while at the same time doing the little women act, and it drives me bonkers.

[Allofaflumble]

What an amazing fab woman you are Dorothy Gherkins.Loved reading your posts and I do so agree about finding your inner strength when flying solo. People tell me I seem all breezy since I dumped the albatross!

[tallwivglasses]

Age 55, single for 8 years (okay, one or two brief dalliances).

I'm very happy alone and thankful that I can't really be arsed with sex right now being arsed with sex used to get me into a lot of trouble

I might look for an old codger in later years, who knows?

[niceupthedance]

I'm not up for a traditional relationship again. Lovers, yes. But they can keep their noses out of my business.

I've been single since 2008. Since then I have bought, renovated and sold a flat, had a baby with no help (he's now 3) and gone back to uni to study for a career change. Who needs men!?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I still love my ex but I'm not prepared to put up with his crap. He kept saying he couldn't commit but he didn't want to loose me completely from his life. If he won't commit then I really don't see the point. Talk about having your cake...

[comingintomyown]

I am four years single and haven't at any point wanted otherwise

As time goes on I am realising I am better suited to this and would struggle to go back to having to take another persons viewpoint from what to eat for dinner to where to live. I have my home exactly as I want and no way would a load of man stuff fit in.

The only thing about being married I miss is going on holiday with someone and now my DC are teens they won't want to go away with me to a cottage in the Lakes . We did always have lovely holidays and I still haven't braved a solo holiday

[AmberSpyglass]

Thank you for this post, OP, its just what I need atm. I've been single for 1.5 years, (give or take the odd fling! But nothing serious relationshippy). I'm at the point where I really feel I want a relationship, a long tern, real life, proper relationship. BUT crucially, I also know myself very well now and I am NOT willing to settle for any old man who comes along. I feel like I need to appreciate all the many, many positive aspects of being single rather than pine over not being with someone. All the posters on here are very inspiring, thank you!