I have been with my bf for 3 years now. He is nearly 50 and I am nearly 40. He left his wife 3 years ago coz he wasn't happy and thought he wanted to be with me, I wasn't interested in a married man. We then got together and he moved in with me in nottm. Things was good but then stresses from his wife and teenage children started getting on top of us. They said they would have nothing to do with him whilst being with me, so he left me and moved back to the north. After a week or so nothing had changed with them but he missed me and we tried again, only for 3 mths later he left again. And for the next 18 mths or so this is what happened even leaving me in a new house we got after 1 mth which was just before Christmas. Only for him to a few days before Christmas get back in touch and say he's made a mistake, I stupidly forgave him and he came to see me Boxing Day after I had spent Christmas alone crying and heart broken. Each time we have got back together we have never really talked things through as it's just easier to just try and move on, plus he won't except my feelings and how hurt he's made me. Then he got a job offer to go to NZ, we talked it through and yes we was going to NZ together. The plan was that we would get rid of the house in nottm and all my furniture etc and live in the house up North and commute to nottm daily for the 2 mths we had left in the uk. So I moved to the north east leaving my family, friends and 16 year old son ( he didn't want to come) I sold all the furniture and threw a lot of my stuff away as I couldn't take it to NZ. A week or so after being up north his bosses offered him a more exciting job if he stayed in the UK and promised the chance to go abroad in 18 mths or so, so he took that option, didn't talk to me about it just decided that's what we wanted. I was upset but only coz he hadn't talked it through with me I was only going to NZ coz I loved him. Anyway not long after that he dumped me again, is time he couldn't just walk out like all the other times as I lived up north now and he had no intention of leaving here. This again was all in the lead up to Christmas and yes again a few days before Christmas he wanted to try again. This continued on off for the next 12 mths. Then 3 weeks ago after finally a nice Christmas together we break up again. He wants to be on his own to come and go as he likes and not to answer to anyone. However he doesn't want me to leave the house, nor will he move into the spare room so we share the same bed, he cuddles and tries to kiss me, been telling me he loves me and wants me, but then backs right off. Tells me in detail his plans despite him saying he wants freedom! I've suggested relate but apparently it's not for me but thinks it would help but can't bring himself to do it. I love him and want to be with him but know things have to change. One day he ignores me then he tries to be all over me, last week he was away with work (where the promise of great things never happened and he hates this job and is bored out his mind and regrets not going to NZ) and I wasn't available to his calls etc, and he seems to be paranoid that I was with someone else, which I wasn't... What can I do to save us? Why is he hot and cold? I don't know anyone up here and feel like I'm going out my mind.... Last night I told him how much I loved him and didn't want to end etc, he told me he loves me wants me and i am his world but he can't have everything , I asked if he thinks about the future without me and he says no coz it's too painful. This is as emotional as he has ever been. How do I get him to open up and make a go of this?