I've lost all my sexual confidence

[Wherehasmyconfidencegone]

I am a regular with a name change due to this being a bit embarrassing!

Short version is DH suffers from retarded ejaculation, he rarely if ever ejaculates and then only if we've had a very very lengthy session. I have arthritis which makes sex very painful in some positions and really limits what I can and can't do and simply can't last the lengthy sessions he requires.

Here's the kicker, we are TTC too.

I'm ashamed to say that although I have a high sex drive I just haven't the confidence to have sex any more as I know no matter what I do it won't please my DH I know it's not me that's the problem but I can't help but feel it is, that I'm completely inadequate and not the woman he deserves. Recently virtually every time we've had sex it has left me on the verge of tears because of how bad I feel for not pleasing him.

It's, quite frankly, shit.

He keeps telling me it doesn't matter, that he doesn't need to cum to enjoy sex. But really, seriously, he could end up never orgasming through sex again, how can he be happy with that?

Help!

Sorry this may be a stupid question but does he ejaculate when he masturbates ?

Rarely

My DP doesn't ejaculate whilst we're having sex. We have our fun, I have an orgasm and then he withdraws and he gets (sometimes he does it, sometimes I do) a hand job with or without a bit of tongue and he finishes.

That's just what works for him, it doesn't bother me. Could you do something like that? That way you won't be in pain, no matter how long it takes?

As for TTC? He could perhaps kneel in front of you and when he is very close to ejaculating, insert himself inside you?

Why are you equating "pleasure" with "ejaculation"? Orgasm may be the "ultimate" but surely everything else is pleasurable as well?

I think you should stop thinking of orgasm as the aim - the point is to have a good time doing it. Also, his orgasm is not your responsibility (as it were) - it sounds like you are being very hard on yourself, beating yourself up about something that from the sounds of it, really isn't under your control.

Has he seen the GP? There are many reasons this happens with him but if you're ttc then i think speaking the doctor is a good, basic, first step and you can go from there.

Also, keep trying, but as said before, change the way you think about this. He wants sex with you, so you're already 'the woman he deserves'. He wants you, and is not selfish. There are many women who would love to have that. Concentrate on that and take away any pressure for him to orgasm. Most people can enjoy sex even if it doesnt result in an orgasm - would you feel he had failed you if he didnt give you one but had one himself? Think of it that way, it may help.

Good luck x

Have you thought about how embarrassing it is for him, as a man? He must feel absolutely awful that HE can't please YOU!

This is a condition he has that he can't will away (as much as he tries). It's nobody's fault and I think you need to both sit down and talk honestly about how it's affecting both of you.

I know there is therapy available for people with this condition - I think this is something you should look into, especially as you are TTC. Best of luck!

Here's a thought - why not believe what he saying?

Trust him. Talk to him. Work it through with him. It's not all about you, it's not all about him, it's a couple thing that you can sort together - not individually.