Advice on how to leave

[BadlyInNeedOfSomeHelp]

I need to leave DH. I don't want to go into detail suffice to say it is a pretty bad situation - although there is no physical or sexual abuse. I have a strong urge to just up and go immediately taking DD with me and just a bag of things, but my sensible head is telling me to bide my time until I can see a solicitor and make some preparations. I'm worried that if I don't leave immediately I won't do it. I badly need advice and moral support to tide me over. DH won't leave the family home I can be sure of that, it will have to be me that goes.

Do you work? Can you financially support yourself? Have you looked I to benefits you're entitled to?

Sending a hug

Ok.

A plan of sorts.

Get copies of all financials. That's his pay slips, pensions, assets etc. get your passport and DD's hidden away.

Book an appointment with solicitors for early next week. Book 3 or 4 and go with the one you feel most comfortable with. One that's an expert on family law.

If things are likely to kick off, and they often do when the little changes are spotted by other halves, is to get a bag packed with essentials for you and DD. This means you can grab and run if you feel you need to. Or leave the bag with a trusty, reliable friend.

If there are any signs of it turning physical call the police on 101 just to log it, or 999 if you're in immediate danger. Logging it on 101 with make you a priority if you do have to call 999.

Keep yourselves safe, take control for you and DD, and enjoy your new lives!

Hi I am in the same situation. I desperately need to go but I am carefully planning every step first. Maybe go see citizens advice first? At least they will give you some pointers on legal issues. In my mind I have already left So it is only a case of waiting until I have everything else sorted (place to stay, money and everything else). Good luck x

Seconding Teeny's good advice.

Are you in touch with Women's Aid?
www.womensaid.org.uk

• their website and helpline will give good advice and support ( though phone is often busy ).

If your strong urge is based in self preservation or instinct, pay attention to it. Don't hesitate to act if you need to. Have you any plans, eg a place to go in an emergency?

Sorry about the delay. Can post again now. Thank you for the replies. Yes I am fortunate to work and have a place to go to. Strong urge is just a reaction to the latest incident; it's harder to leave during the calm bits in between. What a mess. Sorry to hear you are in the same boat slowly.

Timing is difficult. Do you think if you leave right away you might be talked into going back? Thats what im afraid of. Think proper planning will make sure I dont end up back at square one. On the other hand could you go and stay somewhere while you get other things sorted out? I do understand your point it is easier to go when something has happened.

have a look here

slowly I feel incredibly guilty about ending it. He will be really hurt and even though he's brought it all on himself he won't see that and he'll be devastated. I can't rationalise it. I've left a few times before and gone back but this is the first time I've asked for mumsnet help. I've seen it work for so many people.

Thank you AF for that link it is just what I was looking for. There's so much prep to do if you want to do it properly. I need to back up my family photos and other computer files. I just know I'm going to come out of this with almost nothing. It is so unfair.

I really hope it works out for you. If you are sure you want to leave then it isnt fair for either of you to carry on. I could of wrote your last post myself, I feel guilty all the time-i even feel like I should help him find a new place! Silly I know. I am looking forward to a future with my kids knowing that i wont have to put up with his crap anymore. Have you managed to seek any advice yet?

Good luck, love x