How do i want sex again?

[icclemunchy]

I think this is the right place but feel free to tell me to bogg off if not!!

Since I fell pregnant with DD 4 years ago me and DP have barely had sex. History of MC ment I didn't want to dtd before my 12 weeks scan and then at 13 weeks I dislocated my knee which put paid to sex whilst I was pregnant. Once DD was here I thought it'd pick up again but between being a new mum and work/housework it never really did and now suddenly DD is 3 and im really not fussed

Trouble is its starting to really affect our relationship, we argue a lot because DP says he's been patient for 4 years and its not far, but he wants me to initiate sex and im really not fussed!! I have a bad back and im constantly in pain which doesn't help but we average about once a week, it takes a lot to get me in the mood and he seems to take this as a personal insult asif I don't find him attractive (I do im just not fussed about sex)

we seem to argue about this most days and a few times now he's said something hurtful including that eh cant bare to be near me because I make him feel so shit. I duno what to do, we cant go on like this but I cant just flick a switch and turn my sex drive back on :(

It's not the same but DP and I sometimes have small periods without sex and I think I don't really miss it...and then we finally get round to it and I'm thinking, why don't we do this more??! Fool around a bit and see if you fancy it. Might be all you need!

I had a partner who did'nt want sex and I can tell you it is very hurtful indeed, don't underestimate the pain (and the power imbalance) of not being wanted.

But if you dtd once a week then its not that bad, many couples are a lot less.

IMO, as long as he feels appreciated and wanted generally then he should understand that its just that you are tired and he should not take it as a personal rejection.

I find the more I dtd, the more I crave it. Bit like running. I hate running. But if I make myself go 3 times a week, suddenly I want to go everyday. Maybe you get addicted to the endorphins! Throw yourself into it for a month...

Are you on any medication?

I think once a week is pretty normal,although if you're obviously very reluctant then it is hurtful for him, but can see that now its got to this stage. You're less likely to feel relaxed.

Are you intimate in other ways?

Once a week is quite a lot especially given the circumstances. Is your partner critical and difficult to please in other ways?

In answer to your question, you won't want it again until he stops mithering you. It's a complete turn off

Once a week sounds pretty regular to me. Your DH putting pressure on you won't be helping though.

I think sex is like a muscle, the less you have it the weaker any impulse becomes, and the best way to have more sex is just to resolve to have more sex. I know that when I've been single and gone several months without it I can get to the point where I cannot possibly imagine wanting it and it becomes actively unappealling. But then you start again...

part of the problem is although its around once a week I never initiate it and its a lot of work for him to get me going so he feels like I don't want him.

he's a pretty good partner in most other ways tbh, he can be a lazy git and take some nagging but then so can I.

I take a lot of painkillers for my back but by back has only been this bad since last oct, so I don't think its the meds but the pain deff doesn't help. Im just really not fussed about it so he feels like im rejecting him and its a bit of a vicious circle :(