Hello,
I have been away from MN for too long...
...So, I probably do need to offload, so apologies in advance.
Last time I posted I was in a relationship with the father of my children, and had been so for around 13 years. My backstory is basically that we got together when he was 18 and I was 31 and we were together for all these loooong years. We have two amazing children aged 6 and 3. He cheated on me in the early years, pre children, we broke up, we did some work on it, and we got back together, things were "fine" for the last 8 or so years.
Except they weren't. In that, at the heart of it, he was/is a manchild. I have praised him highly on here in the past for his role as SAHD (for the last 2 years before we broke up) and I thought I had pretty much acknowledged his faults and I thought I had accepted that living with someone you love can sometimes mean compromising big time.
But it just got too much. By compromise, I mean that I was often wondering where he was on a Saturday morning after he had gone out on a Friday. He didn't cheat on me again, since about 2006, and in his screwed up way he used to try and argue that as he wasn't out cheating, I should just automatically trust him and know he was out with his friends and would come home...whenever. You get the picture.
Now, he wasn't cheating on me, at least not with any other human being, but he was cheating: He was cheating me out of a happy and contented life. Don't get me wrong-he wouldn't do this disappearing act every weekend. He would maybe do it once every 2 or 3 months. Maybe you might say -so what? Not the end of the world etc.
Thing is, he was seemingly incapable of going out to the pub say, "for an hour", and coming back when he said he would. Sometimes it would be two hours (big deal), and sometimes it would be 3am or overnight.
The "system" in place before we broke up was that I would say I didn't mind, just CALL me, and tell me that your plans had changed, CALL me and tell me that you're now going out to a party (or wherever), so I can sleep (I had sleeping problems, oh, and migraines-go figure).-I sleep well now, no headaches...
Perhaps I sound high maintenance, but you know, I took him back after the most spectacular cheating that I still can't bring myself to go into on here (more fool me I know), and here's the thing-I really loved him. It was worth it, I mean to work on it, and to strive for it (child of parents who drummed it into her to never give up here 
).
Anyway, it worked for some years. I thought we'd cracked it. But the evenings spent together diminished, and I got tired of being the one to suggest we did stuff together. We were, at best, like flatmates with children.
There's a whole load of hideous stuff that would have you baying for his blood (trust me!), BUT, and now I get to the point, buried in this drivel...
...I was very worried about splitting. I wanted to do it, but I was scared about the effect it would have on the children. I was worried how I would cope with being a single parent and working 4 days a week in an office an hour's commute away from our very rural home, with all my family support 250 miles away. The only financial support for the children, as I knew that if we split he wouldn't pay anything towards them.
But you know what, all the wise people on here are right: It is like thinking about jumping in at the deep end of the pool when you can't swim very well; it's like sitting in the dentist's waiting room fearing the worst pain. But when you do it, oh my god! It is amazing! It's like breathing clean air for the first time in years. The RELIEF. The peace, the peace.
All of you out there in a similar position, bloody hell, feel the fear and do it anyway, or something like that.
The children are fine, actually they are incredible. He was verbally abusive to our ds in particular (this is what tipped me over the mountain), and the house is a happy relaxed place now. It's bloody hard work juggling it all, but I have some amazing friends and one friend has taken a permanent position as childminder. He thought I would crumble. I didn't, and nor have the children.
This is obviously cathartic. I'm putting it out there, I don't expect a response (maybe "cut some paragraphs FFS"), but I just thought I'd let you know, form the old horse's mouth, there is happiness and peace out there somewhere.