Can someone help me get to grips with everything please?

[dippingmytoeinagain]

Hello all, I'm hoping that someone can help me get some perspective on what I'm feeling at the moment, or help me rationalise things.

Background - DH left me and 3 DCs almost 2 years ago, our relationship wasn't perfect but felt comfortable. Together for almost 15 years, married almost 12. His moving out was a real shock, no notice - announced he wasn't happy and was gone within a few days. We remain amicable for the sake of the children who he sees regularly. I tend to keep a stiff upper lip and put on a brave face for the children but have really been hurt badly by the split.

After a few months, I found out via the DCs that he was doing online dating etc and that he had lots of 'POF friends' so was clearly moving on! Again, this hurt but so be it. He now has a GF who has been spending a lot of time with him and the DCs, weekends away and at his place, staying overnight with him while the DCs are there. The DCs like her, as far as I know, she is not an awful person, I have no problems with her as an individual but I am struggling with the fact that they are doing all the lovely family stuff at weekends that we could have been doing together. He is also flaunting his new relationship in a teenagery/trophy type way in front of my friends and family which kind of sticks in my throat a bit and i feel that he is almost trying to replace me as their mum - last week I found out that he was going to take her on school pick up with him when he was picking them up. I said no way to that.

I'd tell him to go away and not darken my door were it not for the DCs and the fact that we still have a lot of financial stuff to sort out. I feel like I'm tiptoeing around him because of the ties that he has over me and not moving on properly. I have a lovely friend who keeps asking me out but I keep saying no as I am worried about rocking the boat with my please let him one day be my ex DH

A bit of an incoherent ramble - can anyone give me some advice/encouragement/kick up the behind?

Thanks all

It is going to be hard for you. Especially if the split came out of nowhere for you.

It will get easier over time. It is just a shock to the system at the minutr seeing them play happy families while you feel like that should be you.
It will be you, when you are ready to move on.

If you fancy going out with this friend of yours, then just do it. You might enjoy it more than you think.

Why are you saying no to the lovely friend? Go go go I say! Why worry about upsetting your ex when he clearly has no regards for your feelings! Hope you're ok x

Yes, say yes to every invite you get! Why not...

And as for happy families, you're not being replaced. Your kids will love you exactly the same as they always have, because you are there for them 100%. It's good for everyone if they enjoy their time with dd and his girlfriend. It's no threat to you at all. Trust me, been there, done that.

Don't worry about what they're doing when they're together, that's their free, personal time. It's probably not that they are deliberately 'flaunting' their relationship, maybe it is that they are in love.... And that will be you one day, holding hands, kissing, setting a good example to your children about what love/caring is, etc. it's normal...

In the meantime make your time count, do things, take up hobbies, see your friends when your kids are away. Fill your time doing all the stuff you never had time for. Internet dating/chatting is a great way to pass EOW's, etc.

It's an emotional rollercoaster negotiating new separate lives, but it is just that and you will find your way and life will be good again.

This may sound a little harsh but you mention that you seperated 2yrs ago. if this is his first partner in 2yrs then i don't think thats too bad to be honest.

Could your feelings be more about disapointment and sadness that he has moved on but deep down you wish you were still together?

Finally acknowledging that he has gone can be so hard.