When parents remarry?

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

Some of you were very good at giving advice at the beginning of this saga and I'm hoping the advice might be just as good now!

Brief recap: Parents divorced after 30 years of marriage, dad left mum, VERY early on introduced us to 'new' woman though we're not that daft...there was an overlap. Dad very keen to show off his new found happiness to us whilst simultaneously failing to apprecia~te that as grown up children, we were having to support our devastated mother through this.

Fast forward three years... Just had a call from my dad who has said that it is his 'intention to ask xxx to marry him'. Now, yes, I should have seen this coming. It's been a reasonable amount of time but that doesn't make it any less of a shock.

I suppose I'm struggling to be supportive, not only because I can still see how hurt my mum is but also because my dad just seems to be hurtling from one relationship to the next

oops...dog sat on laptop...

anyway...

Dad argued that he left my mum because he never properly had his own life and went straight from his mums house to being married, so I'm just confused as to why the solution to that is to move straight in and then marry someone else!

I guess it just feels like the final nail in the coffin for our family. He's made it very clear that his life is with the new woman and her child now and we're just bystanders. Yes, we're grown up, but I still can;t help feeling deserted.

Sorry, very confused and rambling...

I want to be happy for him but I just can't really when his life has changed so much, he seemingly values different things and we are so very different from his 'new' family...

All thoughts welcome..

Oh crikey. My Dad is still very much in the 'totally oblivious to anyone but himself' stage, so you have my sympathy. However, I'm not great at advice, other than to say does your Dad have any idea about how you feel about all of this? How close were you to him before all this happened?
Thinking of you OP, it's a nightmare when your parents spilt up, however old you are!

Your Dad is not being logical and whatever his reasons were for leaving it was more likely the lure of the OW than any dislike of family life. He probably talked a load of bollocks to justify his decision to leave. Of course you are your DM are still hurting and upset with him and if he had any sensitivity he would understand that and not expect you to be overjoyed at him moving on.

Has his new DP tried to get to know you? To spend time with you and reassure you she will not prevent you having as good a relationship with your DF as you wish for? Or has he separated his life from yours and you stay with DM in "her" camp?

Three years is not "hurtling" it is a reasonable time to get to know a new partner and decide you want to spend your life with them. But there is unfinished business between you and you cannot be expected to be pleased for him when he hasn't dealt with that. Could you sit him down and talk it with him through OP? Or would that be too difficult?

I am in a not dissimilar position to your DF as I left my XH 3.5 years ago and my DC still blame me for breaking up the family. The man I met a year later is lovely but they still hate the fact I am not with their DF who keeps them close. I am working hard on my relationship with them as I wouldn't want them to feel like you do if I married my DP.