Do you ever totally get over your marriage break up

[TortillasAndChocolate]

Ex and I split two years ago - to cut a very long story short, he treated me very badly, had two affairs after DS was born, and left me for one of those women (while telling me he just needed time to think - the truth came out later).

Anyway, most of the time I feel over it. I don't think about him too much. I don't feel attracted to him. I don't want him back. I'm excited about the future and would love to meet someone else.

But sometimes, out of nowhere, something happens to trigger a memory of something he did that really hurt me, and I still feel so sad and upset. Or something will fall into place, and I'll just feel so sad that someone who was supposed to take care of me and be my partner could betray me. For instance, a couple of things happened this morning that I triggered a memory of just before he left me when he told me a friend had given him a few night shifts to do for extra money (he owned a business). I'd totally forgotten about it but remembered today and thought, he didn't work those night shifts, he was with another woman, and I was here with our baby.

Like I say, these are fleeting moments and happen less than ever now. But I just wondered if anyone else gets this and if it ever goes away? Or will I always feel a bit sad and betrayed because he did this to me?

In 20 months on and it still hurts a lot but its great hearing from others who have got the the 'meh' stage.
I worry a lot that it still bothers me and I end up thinking about it so much after this much time.
But I know that MUST change over time, surely its not physically possible for it to carry on hurting over time.
Im really looking forward to feeling indeferent, and thinking of ways I can use this to end up having a better life.

I am getting on for two years on and have just today posted an update on here to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I would say that I am over him, but there are still things that trigger sadness. But I have recently started seeing somebody and that has helped to show that I no longer have feelings for XH.

I do think that it is normal to still have sadness over what happened though, which is separate to having feelings for XH.

It is different for every individual as to how long it takes to get over it etc. It still hurts me to think of what he did but it no longer hurts to hear about him and OW and I am at the point where I truly think that they deserve each other.

I am still not at the indifferent stage with XH as I despise him too much for that.

yes am SO over it !

Semiskim, yes that's how I feel about OW - she didn't put my son first, she put herself first, and that is part of what makes me dislike the fact she gets to spend time with DS.

I definitely think I would possibly be feeling more 'meh' by now if I didn't have to see him every week when he picks up/drops off DS

Skye, I remember reading some of your posts ages ago. I'm glad you're doing well.

Oh and by the way, i had never even heard of 'meh' until I discovered mumsnet, and above I have used it in a sentence for the very first time

It is difficult when you can't cut all contact because of DC. I detest OW because XH tries to drop DD if OW wants to do something. DD resents her always being there when she goes to XH's and is confused because she thinks he is married to his mate.

XH now pisses me off on a practical level though not an emotional one so I suppose Meh would be a good word for it :)

Yes, totally. No bitterness, no sadness, nothing. He left me for a woman he got pregnant just after my DS was born. It took years, but the only thing I feel is relief.

Yes, 2 years down the line and divorced from my cheating XH. Really feel nothing for him now. Don't care that he is with OW. Would not want him back in a month os Sundays.

Still feel p'd off at how he lied to me for months about having split up with his affair partner and how he wanted to be with me not her, win my love back etc when he could have saved me months of grief by just manning up and saying he wanted out. However, I assume with time that will fade too.

I know exactly what you mean about the flashbacks. But 4 years on they have pretty much gone away, as has the sadness. for you, OP.

For me I don't want my stbxh back because of how he treated me, plus a years meant I've moved on...however how do people cope with the what if, the regular wondering what if?

I think you ultimately can get over absolutely anything in life, and the speed at which you do it is largely down to your own attitude.

Yes I'm definitely over it after 16 months (had to count to check!)
He was an emotionally abusive twat who would start a fight over nothing. I'm so much happier coming home to a peacful house without worrying about what kind of mood he'd be in.

I certainly don't miss the worry about whether he was cheating again and who he was texting. I still get angry though but that's because he's still being awkward despite me asking him to remain civil for the sake of our daughters. For example, I checked my bank account earlier and discovered that he'd given me £24 less than he should have this month because our oldest daughter (still in school) owed him money! When he pulls stunts like this I only feel annoyed that I put up with him for so long!

Yup. When you meet the right person, your children are happy in their lives and so are you!