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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Let's talk about sex baby

62 replies

HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 10:02

Apologies but i can't find anywhere else to mention this.

Have been with new man 3 months now, we have sex about ooh 4-5 times a week if we can and it's great.

He's VWE which is great too but the other week I wanted to try spooning which I found amazing but then he wanted the normal deep penetration hard and fast sex. I get the feeling he likes the hard, fast deep sex more...

Our relationship outside the bedroom is great too, we're quite well matched there and both of us say sex between us is the best ever at 42 years old each.

Also we use things to spice it up, the odd bit of dress up, sex toys (just recently started to use those 2) - is that ok so early on?

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 13:38

anti - yes that's a good idea and I would be comfortable doing it.

I think i will set the scene (in my place!) call the shots etc but make it romantic etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 13:43

Ton that's the thing - I was advised by my mum and a close friend re going back to his place.

I live on outskirts of London and lives on Kent coast. He works in London so we see each other after work as well as at weekends.

His main problem is apparently his place (a house) is very messy, maybe hoarder state and he has promised to sort it out. I keep on reminding him of this.

He has a 13 year old son who he sees at some weekends but also Wednesdays who stays with him - which is all FINE!

But then if I've reminded him about tidying he's been, oh it's Christmas, then oh I want to spend time with my son not just tidying etc. But on the other hand he says "I want you to spend weekends with me on sofa etc and to meet my friends", I've had an informal invite.

I finally said the other week I'm fed up please either take some time off work or tidy at weekends or I won't let you come to mine.

his response was mostly avoidance but said he would tidy.

OP posts:
ageofgrandillusion · 30/01/2014 13:51

You sound a bit fixated on sex OP. Have you considered there are other things in a relationship - you know, like having laugh and enjoying each other's company?

Tonandfeather · 30/01/2014 13:52

Are you 100% sure he's single?

You've really met no-one who knows him well?

How did you two meet?

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:25

ageof - we actually DO have a laugh and enjoy each other's company. I guess at the start it WAS a lot about sex. as well as a laugh etc but sex was uppermost for both of us.

Ton - yes I am 100% sure he's single. I could find out if he isn't. Met him on dating site.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:26

I haven't met anyone who knows him well no.

OP posts:
Tonandfeather · 30/01/2014 14:30

How could you find out?

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:31

IDK I could check stuff.

To be fair I can access with him there, FB, twitter etc. He really is open about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:32

I've asked him if he is seeing someone else (for reason above) and he said no he doesn't have time and he would not do that.

I get a truth vibe from him, eg he is not lying.

OP posts:
Tonandfeather · 30/01/2014 14:33

You've really not had any suspicions? I think your mom and friend do.

You do realise the "Untidy House" trick is well-known and well-used?

LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:33

Stealth Boast alert :)

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:39

Ton - of course I've had my suspicions.

of course I know about the "Untidy House" trick.

but he has met my brother and his wife. and I've asked him a couple of times if he is seeing anyone else and every time he says no.

so now what? do I believe him or not?

OP posts:
NaffOrf · 30/01/2014 14:40

I get a truth vibe from him

I'm sorry OP, but you must allow me a MWAH-HA-HA at this point.

He sounds like a player.

I'm still not entirely sure what you want from this thread, tbh.

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:42

ok then he's a player from what you say.

All I asked in this thread was how to improve sex life if it was normal etc.

I've now got people telling me he is cheating and is a player.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:46

But the kent coast is lovely, you would think he would want to have you down to go for walks etc? or is it just sex? just sex is fine you know

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:47

he wants me down but he has a 13 year old son and an ex partner.

no it is not just sex.

this will be the end of the convo now

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:48

Why have you asked him if he is seeing someone else, i have never asked my DP that in 22 years. Are you insecure or is he giving you reason to doubt him?

livingzuid · 30/01/2014 14:48

OP if you trust him then that is all that matters. Men can be the biggest procrastinators on earth when it comes to stuff they don't want to do. Took my dh two years to put the doorbell up (I do not do diy).

Untidy house talk does not automatically equal cheater or player Confused

Have you visited for the day?

I stand by my original advice. Take the lead more and be more assertive. And don't over think it too much 3 months is still early days :)

LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:49

Sorry, i didn't mean to upset you - just trying to get a picture of what is going on.

If its just about sex - it all sounds pretty good to me

LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:49

i mean the thread, not the relationship. how long have you been seeing him?

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:50

LEM - the only reason I asked was cos my mum and close friend suggested it. I am not insecure and he hasn't given me reason to doubt him.

I do trust him.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:56

I honestly just think you should see how things develop. If you want to take control in the bedroom - do it, get on top of him, give him a bj etc. I prefer not being in charge myself then i get stuff done to me Grin But there is nothing wrong with a bit of assertion in the bedroom.

Original poster
HelloBoys · 30/01/2014 14:56

I've been seeing him 3 months now. he was first one to say he loved me

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:57

Don't nag him about the tidying though - tell him you want to see him not his house. just tell him to make sure he has clean sheets and does the washing up before you come.

LEMmingaround · 30/01/2014 14:57

ok ok :) Theres no need to be defensive, i am trying to help.

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