Can you have a succesful platonic friendship/professional relationship with a bit of sexual tension thrown in?

[EllieInTheRoom]

This isn't a problem really, more of a pondering and was wondering whether any of you wise folk had an opinion on male/female platonic/professional relationships.

I ask because I separated from STBXH in October and I think I may be in danger of developing an attraction to my business partner. We have been colleagues for years but set up a business together last year and its going well.

I know i am a prime candidate for developing an Inappropriate crush and its probably no surprise I've started looking at him slightly differently. There have been occasions where I thought he might like me that way. A bit of tension/chemistry has developed over time.

Of course, if anything were to happen it would be disastrous.

Every relationship I have ever had has come out of a long friendship. I never really fancy people until I really know them so I am a bit worried I'm going to develop feelings I shouldn't.

So I guess the question is, is it normal to have this chemistry in male/female friendships and working relationships when people are single? Do you think it's inevitable and if even if it's there you can still have a successful working relationship/friendship?

If there's sexual tension then it's not platonic.

And there's nothing to say anything more would be disastrous.

I don't think there's any such thing as normal in this context, everyone's different. I've set up a number of businesses but I've never fancied anyone I've worked with, apart from back in my 20s and we ended up going out.

Sexual tension isn't platonic.

And it's pretty unprofessional in the workplace too.

Can you find someone else to be target of Inappropraite Crush? It would be a shame to muck up a newish business opportunity.

If it were 'chemistry', your marital status would have no bearing. It would have still been there even though you didn't act upon it.

Sounds to me like you're nearly ready to move on but don't yet feel ready to trawl the net in a particularly broad ocean. is it possible you're testing out what it feels like to fancy another man again rather than seriously contemplating boffing this particular, safe, familiar chap?

If so, cool. You've shown it is possible for you to contemplate sex with someone new. Next phase, bowel movements on someone else's doorstep. Someone else can clean it up.

Why would it be disastrous? I don't think that is always necessarily true just because he is a business partner.

True story: some friends of my parents set up a company back in the 70s. Got married, built the company up, floated it in the 90s. They're still together and happy as retired multimillionaires.

I don't think I'd be thinking about him like this in other circumstances. And it's probably only because we've spent a lot of time together in the last several months.

I've always found him attractive but have had him safely in the work box. I have thought on occasions over the last few years that he might like me a bit more then he should. We share a lot of interests, but then a lot of it is vocational anyway, so it's probably the reason why we've managed to come up with a good business idea.

It would be disastrous because I have high hopes for the business. And because he knows H professionally too. He knows we've split but because of the professional connection between them, ive never gone into any detail. And to be fair to him he's never asked any questions. There was one time I had to go outside for a pretty intense phonecall with X and I was pretty upset and he just gave me a really nice long hug afterwards. That's kind of when I started confusing my feelings a little bit.

I know it's high school. It's not like I spend all day mooning after him, but there's been a few looks and subtle things. From him mainly I have to say. It just feels like a fine line has been crossed.

But I don't want it to ruin anything. I've worked with blokes before too and never fancied them. But then I have been in a relationship for a very long time and I've always been pretty good at never even looking at other people like that in all honesty.

twinkle - interesting! I like the multimillionaire bit!

find someone else to be target of Inappropraite Crush? It would be a shame to muck up a newish business opportunity.

If its meant to be, it will happen, but don't jump into it.... Have time out first, or it might be a bit of rebound

I'm not sure it's appropriate for him to give you nice long hugs. No wonder you're confused.

I suspect he's something of a cad, OP, and is wilfully engendering these feelings to get his leg over.

Whether you take up the reigns or not, protect your business legally and rigidly in terms of intellectual, fiscal and trading rights.

He is deliberately blurring the boundaries. Unless he is gay.

tinsel do you think so? To be honest, at the time it just felt like he was being really supportive. He didn't ask me any awkward questions, just gave me the hug, asked if I was OK, them made me a brew. It was weeks ago too and he's not made any advances.

He's def not gay and I know he's not a cad either. We work in quite a blokes environment and I've heard enough of all their banter to get a handle on which of them are the nobs and he's not one of them.

I won't svina, I have no intention of it. I just have to not let it progress and I am pretty sure that if he was thinking the same (I think he is, although I am terribly out of practice with these things) he would be putting the business first too.

That's what made me post really. I've never really had a friendship with the opposite sex where there has been a chemistry thing and I've not acted it. Like I said, that's how all my relationships have begun.

It does sound alarm bells for me, OP, to be honest. I would (and do) hug close female colleagues/friends but I wouldn't a male colleague, particularly if I knew he was in a vulnerable situation re relationships, even if I meant nothing untoward.

However, that could merely be my great age and cynicism kicking in.

You obviously feel a bit of trepidation and confusion (or you wouldn't have posted) and I'm not sure you would necessarily without the hugging thing.

Maybe it's meant to be, maybe it's going to be a lifelong meeting of minds, bodies and souls. I do think you should keep business and pleasure separate in practical terms just so nothing's ambiguous. Also, do you know as much about his personal situation as he does yours?

It's your confusion that perturbed me, I suppose.

I hope it is all hearts and flowers but maybe take it a little easy?

^^ Yes well, it's a multinational now, and it all started in their garage. I remember it well as I was friends with their daughter.

Technically I own a couple of businesses with my husband, he has his own career in the city, and for us those projects are bit on the side as it were, he's great fun to work with, that's why I married him. To give other examples, my cousin and his wife have run companies individually in the past, and recently set up a business together, which they're loving; one of my close friends - she and her partner own several businesses, some together, some separately. I think we would all say that it's great to be in a relationship with someone who is as passionate about business as you are, and you can talk everything through with. If you work well together that's the main thing.

Of course you have to be careful, and you're absolutely right to be wary of getting involved so soon after your relationship broke down. I'm perfectly aware of the dangers, but I'm not sure the prospect is so doom-laden as you fear.

oh FGS it's a hug, not a pinch on the bum! Since when is a nice hug from a friend a come-on! Get a grip.

OP, I think unless he's raised it and is asking lots of questions about your marital situation and wants to spend time with you out of work, it's kind of a no-go anyway. Leave it as a crush. If he's into you, he'll let you know, and these things can be better left to time. Just realise that you're vulnerable right now and even if he were the one, the time wouldn't be right anyway.

There's definitely been no bum gropage and I didn't really think twice about hugging a mate male or female to be honest. The only reason it was significant to me was because it was long and it was a very strong one! Ha, I like that!

He just looks at me a lot and I keep noticing it. He broke up with someone he had dated a few times a few weeks ago and was telling me about it, and said it was because they had nothing in common etc and was talking about what he wanted in a relationship and was basically describing us. We've started working at each others houses a lot too and he brings things for me and DS. Made me my favourite dinner when I worked at his. Asks if I need anything etc.

Thats it really. Maybe I am reading too much into it. I'm not confused as such. I do think he likes me, maybe only a little bit, and I like him but I don't think any of us will do anything about it.

I was just pondering really. I mean, if things go well I might be working with this bloke until I retire! He's just started entering my thoughts more than he should. I thought that might just be inevitable with the whole man/woman thing spending so much time together.