rubbish job, rubbish homelife, dont know what the point of me is anymore

[Chyochan]

^That really.

I cant seem to get a new job despite trying, still not over ex even though its been nearly 2 years, still think about it all the time, how pathetic am I, I am begining to worry there is something really wrong with me and that I will never get over it, I thought I would feel better by now, I dont know what else to do.
My kids are teenagers and dont need my anymore.
I feel like my life has lost all meaning.

I think I know what you mean about wanting the unobtainable but how do I change that?

Its not like I imagine he is anything worth having, I am realistic about the kind of person he is, not really capable of love, and certainly not capable of loving or even having any interest in me.

I have no interest in dating, doubt I ever will, I know a couple of guys I could potentialy date but whats the point, if Im not feeling any interest it would not be fair on anyone I was dating.
Tbh I cant imagine anyone finding me attractive, never could really. Thats the ironic thing, when I met my ex I believed he wanted me, whihc is very unusual for me, and that made me feel great.
How stupid considering how it all turned out.

Isn't it for others to decide if they find you attractive? I'm not a big one for pushing women into dating if they're not keen but, in your case, if part of the problem is lack of self-confidence and you think on some level you've missed out on the solitary male on the planet that finds you desirable then I think it may do your ego some good to get out there, put your glad rags on and talk rubbish over a glass of wine and a few breadsticks.

I dont think Im 'in that place right now' (sounds very americal , the thought of dating and new relationships makes me feel slightly sick tbh.
I felt ok yesterday, then feeling shakey again today, though not as bad as Wed.
I feel like on some fundermental level I have not accepted it, which is beyond crazy, as I know what a shit he was and how bad he treated me, why cant I let it go.
Must be mental after all.