being blanked by ex colleague

[behindthescentedcandles]

Silly, but it is distressing me.

I started a new job. The role I took on was being vacated by a woman who was leaving on promotion to another department.

We spent about 2.5 months in the same office, first few weeks she showed me the ropes, then she covered other duties in the office.

She was quite cold with me while we worked together, but i assumed she wasn't interested in being friends, or was shy, or whatever. I didn't really pay much attention and got on with my job.

Anyway, she left to go to her new post, but she is still firm friends with the other women in the office, so joins in on office social functions.. They're all great friends and that is fine, but the issue is that she blanks me. It is really odd and unsettling. At one social event I made a number of attempts at conversation, and was cut dead. One that sticks out was asking her a question, and getting a one word answer, then a colleague joining us and asking the exact same question, and the response being a huge, expansive reply. Ok, I have thick skin so i still didn't take it too personally. Then at another social event, she didn't acknowledge me at all, and cut me dead again when I made a few attempts at conversation. I am certain now that she does not look at me, or greet me, ever.

I am at a loss because she is an ex colleague, so technically shouldn't factor in my life at all, but because she is involved socially with my colleagues, I feel awkward and pushed out. Another colleague is organising a theatre trip and I would to go and have been invited, but I heard her say today that she is going and now I feel like I should steer clear, even though I would like to socialise with my colleagues and build those relationships.

I could go and try to ignore her, but then I would spend the evening feeling awkward, and the tickets are expensive, so I would like to enjoy myself.

I have no idea what I could have done, and I am a friendly person, not pushy or loud, but confident, and people generally like me. I have never experienced anything like this before so on an intellectual level I know it isn't me, but at the same time, starting a new job has lowered my confidence a bit and this silly petty thing is getting to me. It feels awful, and it feels worse because it shouldn't be an issue, if that makes sense.

Advice or empathy welcomed, but please be gentle.

Whatever is causing her reaction it's her problem. Why make it yours??

I'd speak to her about it.

The times I've done this and it's always been the right thing to do!

In my experience, people don't always tell the truth about why they've been standoffish, but the behaviour has ALWAYS changed for the better after having the courage to have a difficult conversation.

She is just one person out of the whole company. If she got it into her head she was somehow irreplaceable, well, tough. You are there now, you got the job fair and square, she got promoted fgs.

Even if she blanks you, always say hello X, goodbye X. And the rest of the time, pretend she is speaking a foreign language you don't know. You wouldn't attempt a conversation with someone who wasn't prepared to try and communicate in any other setting. Look pleasant and converse with everyone else without cutting her dead. If she is actually shy and reserved she may not have responded to your earlier efforts because she felt you were trying too hard. So give her the benefit of the doubt, don't crowd her, interact with the others.

I hope you decide to go to the theatre. It's as much to get to know the others as for your own entertainment.

I got a job share job 2 years ago and my job share clearly dislikes me. It has been a horrible 2 years. I've realized that's just how it is. I tried confronting her- said 'I feel like you're pissed off with me' at one point after thinking and discussing how to deal with it. She said no. So we made no progress. We even had mediation. Again, it didn't work. I'm looking for a new job as I cant abide the atmosphere and working with someone who frankly I now think is a tosser.

Some people just aren't very nice. Perhaps your ex colleague is not nice and or you're just not compatible.

Maybe she doesn't like you much. Don't worry about it. No one appeals to everyone. Talk to someone you do get on with.

I think MrsTerryPratchett might have nailed it.
That's what I thought anyway when I read your op.

Stop worrying about what this woman thinks and just smile and say hi when you see her on this trip. Don't blank her but equally don't go out of your way to sit near her/speak to her etc.
If she does have social anxiety you trying to speak to her all the time will be distressing for her, and if she doesn't and is just being arsey, well fuck her! Give her some space and let her come to you if she wants.