Feel so disappointed, putting self out there after LTR

[Gretagumbo]

I ended my relationship last year after 13 years. I had an aquaintance who I've always had a bit of a crush on. I thought I'd contact him to get back out there. He met me for a drink, told me I was beautiful, text me loads of sex text bullshit when drunk, agreed to come out twice but then cancelled with naff excuses,( he is in his 40s.) Then he has the audacity to say that he didn't want to fuck me around. I've told him not to contact me again.

I find it so frustrating when people can't communicate clearly. Why not just say if you aren't interested, any cliche will do. Am I being too high maintenance?/ naive?

Bleeuurggg I just feel so disappointed in love and life. I thought he was at least a friend that would give it to me straight. I am 36 with a little boy which is the fab part of my life but I feel this has knocked me for six more than the end of my relationship :( I just feel that no one will want me again :(

Any positive life experience gratefully received

Hi there. Yeah I'm in a similar position to you and feel very similar! It's bloody hard isn't it! Trying to meet someone post long term relationship with a son is a challenge! And I've had a fair few disappointments and allowed myself to be fucked about a bit much to my own frustration! BUT... Don't fall into the trap of thinking other peoples mens wankerisms is any reflection on you whatsoever!

Just chalk it up to experience and move on! Good luck, onwards and upwards to us both!

The really meaningful and positive life experiences come when you stop trying to make them happen to ameliorate other disappointments.

Of course someone will want you again but give yourself a break and time to grieve properly .

Cheers guys you are right. I just need to build up my self esteem really too. It's hard not to take things to heart but often things aren't personal in life.

Just wanted to blurt into cyberspace. It's one of those things that I don't want to talk about in RL as no one would get why I was cut up, they'd just say he's a twat move on......which is also true & helpful advice!

Thanks for my first mumsnet wine, cake & flowers!

Oh poor you .. I know how that feels. But trust me it's really early days yet and you need a hat of steel for all the heartache that comes with dating especially if you are out of a long term relationship. Thing can be more raw.

I was on my knees when my ex dh left. I really thought my life was over. No one would want me - I was 30 when he left. We were in the middle of ivf and it was all over (I had an older dd from another failed long term relationship too). Anyway I then went and dated and my confidence went sky high for about 6 months. .. but basically it amounted to a fuck buddy, someone who pissed me about and basically not much else. I really hit rock bottom and wondered what was wrong with me. It almost felt worse than when my husband left.

I had a long period of what I can only call mourning... For my old life and generally feeling sad and trying to find who I was again.

And then.... when I was stronger I went online dating. And was prepared to take it all with a pinch of salt and I did get some twats.

But I did also meet my now dh :) we have been married 3 years now and together much longer and we also have ds 18 months.

You'll be ok. It takes time.

Oh fairylea your story gives me so much hope!!!!! X

My first foray after leaving my STBXH was also a bit shit. Same - why don't you just say if you're not interested?
And it hit me harder than it should have done, because he wasn't just "him" he was an emotional prop for proving I was attractive. My ex shagged prostitutes instead of me, so I kind of needed a bit of confirmation that I was OK ;)

Anyway - it got me back on the horse. It reminded me that men (people!) can be daft buggers and not too invest too early - despite their actions suggesting you can - and it helped me clarify to myself that yes, I did want a relationship not just sex.

Next up some internet dating. Only met one guy. Was on a month, got lots of emails - nice boost that there ARE men out there!

Then just as I was feeling "meh" about it all - not upset, just - not bothered - a man came to do some work at my house and hasn't left since. Sort of :)

It may not go the distance, but he's lovely and a good reminder that this is the way it so happens - when you don't expect it - but are open to it ;)

Good luck - but try to treat it as a nice hobby, but one hobby of several. Keep other things in your life.

Great positive stories and glad to hear others have felt particularly cut deep first time out there again - thought I was just a bit weird. Yes that rings true about an emotional prop, it hangs too much expectation on the situation and a sense of failure if it goes wrong rather than just 'o well'.

Yup I think I just need to focus on me, my mates and the boy. I'm not really bothered about finding someone just was particularly disappointed in this person.

Hope mr handyman works out for you :) cabrinha also hope you meet mr right roz xxx