My husband has never hit me but he gets verbally aggressive and intimidating when he's angry. To the point where I fear for my safety
Here's an example.
We take turns to see to our 9 month baby at night. Last night was my turn and had got upto her once. Then next time she cried I had just dozed off and ask DH to see to her. He did but I could tell he was annoyed. Then she cried again. Well she wasn't crying as such just whinging. I got up to her and gave her dummy, still whinging, gave her some milk, still whinging, I changed her nappy when she struggles out to turn and wriggle. I couldn't get the nappy on properly as she wouldn't keep still. I lost my patience and shouted "stop it" at her. This shocks her into crying and DH comes in and shouts at me to "get out". I said no I needed to get her sorted and to sleep but he physically manhandled me out the room. Picked me up by my arms which hurt. DD settles down and DH comes to bed, I'm upset at what just happened and crying. He says nothing. I feel so upset I asked him to say if he thought I was a bad mother but he ignored me. I get more upset until he just explodes into anger and told me I should not treat a 9 month old baby that way. I explained what she was doing and said that I was wrong but it stopped her from wriggling so much. I reminded him the other night when I was working he had her all night and would not settle down. Then he turned it around saying I was calling him a bad father. He proceeded to shout at me saying all kinds of things including "I had to get you off her" and "you're a piece of crap". This escalated to the point he was stood over me in bed, shouting in my face and I cowered thinking he might even hit me. He then went downstairs. Just as I was falling asleep he came back upstairs to have another go at me. I went to sit quietly in DD room to get away from him. He followed and told me to get out of her room as I would wake her. I did because I didn't want another argument and was afraid. Then he became nice saying he just didn't know what was going on, all he heard was me shouting at the baby and it was his instinct to protect her. He said he hoped I would do the same. He said I made him angry by trying to make him say I was a bad mother and that I said he was a bad father. When I pointed out I never said he was a bad father he got angry and verbally aggressive again.
Anyway things calmed down and I sober the whole of last night wondering how I ever managed to marry someone like this.
This morning he came to give me a hug and told me how miserable he is because he feels like I don't care about him, if it wasn't for our baby he would kill himself and if he left he would have no where to go and have nothing and we would never see him again. His career hasn't worked out how he wanted and he only took this office based job he hates for our baby's sake. He says I speak to him like shit, I know I do snap at him sometimes.
My dad passed away recently and he complains my mum is over too often that me and him have no time together.
I told him I am struggling working full time 12 hr shifts and I want to cut down but he says that he wants to cut his hours down but we can't afford it. Then he complains I work too many nights and never have time for him.
I told him he's being abusive he said "I've never hit you have I?" I say but I'm afraid he will he said he's afraid I might hit our daughter if I shout at her like I did last night. I would never hurt my baby, that goes without saying!
I know I'm rambling on and there's so many other examples I can give. When these outbursts occur I think to myself right that's it we are done I can't put up with this but then we talk and it seems better and it's like I forget what's happened until the next time when each time it's worse than the last.
I asked my mum before if I could move in with her for a while, she knows what he's like but she's said no we are adults and have to sort it out between us. The house is in my name. I owned it with an ex bf before I met DH but I am afraid to be near him when he's angry.