Has anyone used a dating site? With any success

[WTFwasthat]

i signed up for match.com last week and have 416 views so far. A few have 'winked' or messaged but nothing has floated my boat so far. Even if they seem attractive looking how are you expected to get any chemistry or feelings going without physically meeting. I wish I hadn't done it. It's not really me and now I feel a bit cheap. Has anyone on RL had any success with these type of sites?

You definitely can get a 'spark' going before you meet, though obviously meeting is the key thing. But if they're not piquing your interest/ making you think/ making you laugh when they've got the time to sit and carefully compose a message, it seems unlikely they'll manage to do it face-to-face! Also, fiance (met on okcupid - exchanged 20 000 words over 6 days then met and the rest is history!) is so not what I thought my 'type' was - definitely worth branching out .

I got chatting to a guy on a Monday, we had our first date on the Thursday and then I moved in with him 4 months later.

We got married last year (2 years after I had moved in with him) and our first baby is due in 8 weeks

I know LOADS of people who have had success with online dating, and a large portion of them ending with marriage.

He was the 3rd guy I dated through OD - the first two had been with match.com and my now DH came from POF

I met my DH online (Dating Direct, not sure if it's still about) and we've been together 10 years and married for 5. I met a few nice guys before him as well. I made sure I got to know them for a while first and had several chats on the phone before meeting up. I have only positive things to say, maybe I was just lucky. Keep at it OP!

Btw there was no online "spark" when I met my dh online, I didn't think he was my type at all but seemed like a nice guy worth meeting. Nothing much happened when we first met either but three months later we were fimly a couple.
And yes there are a lot of duds, especially on match.com I found. I met my dh on guardian soulmates which at the time was a lot smaller so easier to get your head around.

I have no idea, Heir!

I had a couple of younger guys messaging with similar things, "wot u doin 2nite?" and the like.

I mean, if you're going to proposition me for sex, you can at least make sure your spelling and grammar is correct!

I'd love to know who, if anyone, actually replies to these messages. They must get something from them, otherwise why bother wasting their time..?

Me and my friend both joined dating direct 12 years ago and both married one of our early dates 10 years ago

I met my girlfriend on Guardian Soulmates 11 months ago.

i talked to a number of people and did some reading online on tips and things to watch for.

from a male perspective things are slightly better
ie there are not many women wanting to send pictures of themselves naked to 40 year old men but men (boys?) do seem to do that!!

I was told to develop a thick skin. ie be prepared for a woman to not to reply to my initial message. Thats not because the woman is rude but maybe in the past she has replied "thanks for your interest and given an excuse why she's not interested" and then got a torrent of abuse.

I always used the web site messaging facility and left it to a woman to decide if she wanted to provide phone or email.

Avoid someone who has recently separated after discovering the other half had had an affair. In my case my logic was i was looking for a long term relationship and i was unsure if a woman in that situation was looking for "revenge sex".

I was not too bothered about woman not having a public profile picture as long as they were prepared to share a picture at some point. I know some women may not want to show a picture as they may not want friends to know they are dating (or ex's) or work colleagues (ie if yyhou are a teacher would you want your pupils or ex pupils to see your picture?)

I think you can tell a lot about the initial conversations. ie i may write ten paragraphs or so as initial message and end with "how your day gone". If i got "OK" as a response then i would think that if the first reply was one word it would not bode well.

i was told to have a phone call first to see how that worked out. But was also told not to dismiss someone as a date because phone call did not go well!! ie they might be tired. they may be nervous.

Just because someone is good at messages does not make them a good potential partner.

Was told to be wary of someone who changes time of dates at last minute as they may have another date lined up!!

Some peoples profiles make them out to be constantly doing things when in reality most people just want to watch a DVD with a glass of wine on Friday night after a hard week working (or maybe thats people i know who are in 40s).

I know a fair few people who have had success but there are also people i know who have been "played".

two things:

1. You may be Mr. Right
2. If you have the date from hell at least you have a story to tell your friends.

Good luck

I would agree with everything you've said Blondie.

Especially the bit about having a story to tell you friends

I tried it years ago - I met dh online but through gaming not a dating site.

One guy I met through the site wanted someone to sleep with him as the only sex he had was with a prostitute. Why would you say that to someone on a first date! Needless to say I was not interested in obliging him and made my excuses. Another one lied completely about his appearance and was 15 years older than he had said. Again, a hasty retreat was called for. It was funny though!

one of my potential dates turned out to be a prostitute (or an escort). She wanted £250 to meet up but decided to miss that crucial bit out of any messages until day before meet up.

I had one person who talked about her ex for whole hour about the affairs he had had. About how he was set up with a woman in her 40s who was a grandmother and did not pay anything towards his own children. How he had seen jis kids once in previous 4 months despite her attempting to arrange meetings. Towards the end she said if he walked through the door she would have him back like a shot. Then ten minutes after our date ended texted to say she thought we should meet up again and was surprised when i said that as she still had feelings for her ex i did not want to meet up again.

However a man confessing he had only had sex with a prostitute on first date (was he Hugh grant? perhaps Liz hurley did not believe in sex before marriage?)

He was a bit of a pathetic desperate character. I think his angle was the sympathy vote. Never slept with/never would sleep with someone because I felt sorry for them!

OP have fun with it. Don't take it too seriously. Sit with a girlfriend and have a look through profiles then message a few candidates :)

Met my dh on dating direct 10y ago. I I say be honest about yourself. And respond to everyone except total oddballs. My dh sent quite an offhand "lazy" message first off, glad I answered it. Even when we met it was a slow burner but a few dates in I was hooked ;-)

I went out with someone for 8 months who I met online. Lovely guy but tbh it was too soon after my divorce and I when things started to get serious I started to freak out a bit.

I agree with what other posters have said about meeting up fairly quickly though. Probably within about 3 weeks. Just make it a coffee so you can make a quick getaway if needs be. Before the date, you can always say you have a dentist appointment at x time so you definitely have a time that the date has to end. When I first started doing it, I often wasted week or months chatting to guys so definitely meet sooner rather than later. Any first date is scary but the first internet date is something else. Good luck.

I met my husband on match.com. Generally, I had a good experience. One of the men I met is still a good friend - he came to our wedding. But I've watched other people do it to no avail. My advice:
Don't get TOo picky. One friend was on it for six months and didn't go on a single date. Why? She ruled out every single guy who contacted her for some reason. "Didn't list reading as an interest, so he's out." Was one example. Why? "I read lots so what are they doing while I'm reading?" Um, anything they want? But she was like that with every single guy. And yet has no idea why even off line she hasn't had a date in four years!

Date differently. My match experience was really liberating. I dated anyone I felt like at least once (I did rule out people too) as it was much better way to get to know someone. Most of the profiles start to get a bit same-y after a while. So half an hour coffee tells you more. It is dating as they used to do it. Meet and THEN get to know someone. If you want it the other way round, find a pen friend club. I once had two dates the same day. It was quite fun! Massive ego boost. Anytime a date didn't work out, there was another to go on. And I'm no looker, believe me.

Don't fudge your facts. I can't tell you the number of guys who were openly relieved I was better looking and the same age as my picture and stats! You're going to be found out, and no, the breach of trust won't be washed away by how much they have grown to like you.

If you're interested, write an email. The wink thing is a total cop out and gets very few responses. It doesn't have to be a huge missive, just a paragraph on what's caught your eye.

Avoid the obvious "sending the same email to everyone" guys. I don't know why they think it works.

If you find someone married, or asking for threesomes or whatever, report it to the site straight away. Make it that bit better for everyone that they're gone.

YY to date differently. I took it as a real opportunity to step outside my comfort zone.

I dated men from different backgrounds and with different life experiences to those I normally encounter.

I did rule people out, obviously, but meeting different men meant I reflected on my life too and gave me a few ideas of things I want to do myself. I do think that if you are boyfriend/husband hunting, it probably can be a bit disappointing.

Overall, it was a positive experience. Other than the dodgy date above and a couple of amusing anecdotes, I didn't meet any absolute arses. And did meet a few really lovely men.

The singles scene, whether online or off, can be a nightmare for anyone looking for a genuine long-term relationship.

There are gems to be found but, with many people, as soon as you meet them it becomes painfully obvious why they're struggling to find a partner.

The bottom line is, I suppose, that you're not likely to meet anyone while you're home alone watching Emmerdale.

Just like the lottery, you've got to be in it to win it.

So carry on dating, and good luck!

Don't take it too seriously. Just enjoy it and find what works for you (chatting online, telephone, meeting).

I met my DH online, married 5 years now, 2 DC. I was terrified when I started OD. I dipped in and out over about 2 years as the mood took, met some nice guys, met some total losers, chatted with a couple of sleazy creeps, had some fun dates, whiled away some bank holidays and then met DH! I look back with a bit of a sense of pride that I had the nerve to do it (took me ages to sign up) and be pro-active about that part of my life and yes, I do have some good stories to tell friends.

My sister has had great success (engaged now!!) with a site called muddy matches. She dated three guys from there, all really lovely. Go for it!

I met my partner online, nearly 4 year's ago, married for 8 month's! It can happen! I met alot of frogs before I met husband so don't give up!

Another one who met my dh online. Loved the fact I could sit there in my pj's and no make up whilst testing the waters. There was definitely something different about dh's online chat that set him apart from the others- he sounded educated, kind and almost familiar. I would never, ever have have had the chance to meet him otherwise. Online dating turned around my life. Give it a chance.

All 3 of my best mates have met their other halves online dating!!

Two of them met their now husbands on match.com and one is now engaged to a chap she met on POF. I have met a bloke on POF and we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months, still early days but so far so good!!

So it can and does work but like everything you have to go in to it with an open mind and be willing to give it a chance. I would disagree with the pp who said be fussy IME you have to accept that men aren't perfect and neither are we!! The chap I am seeing now didn't tick any of my boxes online (too short, not my type, a few dodgy spellings...) however he is a really nice guy and we get on so much better than a lot of the blokes that did tick all my boxes.

The problem for me is that I don't ever get as far as a date - that really is disheartening, and yy to the target market being bald pensioners!