Emotionally abusive ex. Court dramas. Eeeeeeeeeeeek!

[GreenRedBlueYellowPurple]

Oh god I'm so depleted.

Court have ruled in EA ex's favour for one overnight every Saturday night. Now it's looking like he will get even more. There has been violence against kids (no proof), threats of violence & abducting kids against me (again no proof) and lots and lots of emotional abuse against me and kids but the court don't care about that at all. So scared that ex will continue to push and push and lie and lie and the courts will award him full residency further along the line. Maybe not too much further! It's all going so fast and as someone posted on here recently, he's really getting under my skin at the moment and invading my 'space' and it's having a really negative knock on effect on my mental health! Any generally supportive replies very welcome as v little support.

I am so sorry that you are going through this!
Ive posted as im going through something very similar.

You just need to stay strong. I know its hard, as im struggling myself.

It is very unlikely that he will get full residency.
You just make sure you do everything SS (if involved) ask of you, and keep being a good mother.

I understand completely though as i worry about that too.
As if he will somehow twist it all and ill be the bad one.

I think its all part of the gameplay. Getting us to feel like this, so we continue crumbling - even when they are no longer around us.
Which is why its important to stay strong!

Good luck xx

Sorry. I don't know the entire back story, but couldn't leave you hanging.

Can you get cafcass involved? Keep a diary of what the DC say and do, behaviour etc.

Why should he get full residency? Does/did he look after them full time, or more than 50%? If not there's no reason he would have them full time.

Get a third party involved in handovers.

Make sure all communication is written - text or email and keep records.

Be assertive and don't let him invade your space.

And get some real life support. Any friends or family to keep you company? You need a bit of hand holding now.

Get some sleep. It won't be so bleak in the morning. You've had a tough day.

Hugs.

Green this sounds awful. Sorry I don't have anything really helpful to say, except agreeing about keeping a diary of all events. How old are your DCs? Has their views been taken in to account?

This has scared me for myself as well tonight as about to embark on the dreaded divorce myself too and had convinced myself that he wouldn't get unsupervised access, let alone a weekly overnight.
Can you think of anyone professional who can support you? Teachers or GP's etc?

Hope you do manage to get some sleep.

The thing is with things like this, your ex may have been EA to you, but the courts also think that Fathers should have contact. As you say you have no proof of what he has done, and until you do the courts are going to decide that he should have contact.

All you can do is keep a record of things he says, record conversations and telephone calls (if you speak to him) and if the children have been abused in any way keep a record of that too.

Record conversations, consider nannycam for your home if he abuses you there, keep meticulous notes/diary of events. You must become a robot, do not get hysterical around him. This is how you get control of the situation, play the long game, be cool. Have you got the kids passports?

How awful.

I think you need to brace yourself for a long and bumpy ride. How old are the children? Has there been a Cafcass report?

If not, can you instruct your solicitor to push for one?

Given your concerns about violence, I am surprised he's been given overnight so readily. Assuming this is private law, has your solicitor any experience of local authority cases? If not, and they've not requested a report, I'd think of getting alternative representation.

I can only imagine how horrible it must be to find yourself in this situation. You must feel utterly bereft.

My advice would be to contact social services and involve them in your family. The only way to beat someone like your X is to use the authorities against them, and that requires documented evidence in your favour.

Best of luck.

Yes i phoned social services and involved them myself due to needing back up. It worked. They are helping me

Social services will not get involved unless new incidents. Unlikely as he is on top charming manipulative behaviour

Judges can still order a CAFCASS report in private law. I think you need to be forceful in expressing your concerns to your solicitor. They should be pushing this all the way and, if they haven't already, then I'd think carefully about getting alternative representation.

If there is no local authority involvement, then I can't see him being granted residency. Unless the children are old enough to express that to live with him best represents their wishes and feelings.

Again, that you are worried about this suggests to me that your representation is not very experienced or proactive.

If by lying, you mean he is making counter-allegations then that in itself constitutes emotional abuse of the children and I would self-refer on that basis. Your solicitor should be shooting any he said-she said crap down in flames with the same 'not proven' defence he's offering.

Without knowing the ins and outs of a duck's arse on this one, I can't think of much else to suggest. Other than to come out fighting!