Dating whilst seperated

[1983mummy]

A good idea or bad idea?

I'm currently in a casual relationship; an 'exclusive' friends with benefits set up with a daily dose of friendship and couple of times a month of benefits.

The chaps lovely but certain circumstances mean we can't be more (2 hour train ride amongst other things). It's made me realise that I would actually like a proper relationship and start dating people, not necessarily to find a new husband, but to have someone to have fun with regularly, compliment me and all the other benefits of being in a relationship etc etc.

I then think well divorce proceedings are due to start soon and I can't be getting into anything serious whilst I'm still married but then I think life's too short...

Any thoughts?

I should add that my ex moved out nearly a year ago and our relationship broke down a year prior to that when he started his affair and checked out of our relationship.

I have been in a relationship with DP for 9 years and still technically married to my ex! We sorted out custody/finances about six months after we separated and I have been too lazy to finally divorce him

You're right - life's too short!

I met DH while he was technically still married to his ex. It was a bit difficult at first, but we took things pretty slowly until his divorce came through.

Go out and have fun, you can call the shots until you're ready, and in a position, to have a more serious relationship.

It's more whether you are emotionally ready than whether you have an official piece of paper saying you are single.

There are few threads on here about men who are still tangled up with an Ex and not really mentally free to get into a new relationship.
Some of them weren't even married so single status is irrelevant.

From what you have said you are over the pain of ending your marriage and ready for someone nice to come along. So go for it!

Thanks for your thoughts. I was just wondering if anyone else had anything to add?

TBH the chap I'm having a thing with is great and if we lived closer I'm sure it could be more, but the distance means we are effectively living such separate lives they'd never be an opportunity to actually be more.

I'm in a relationship with a man who's separated from his XW. I'm separated from my XH and he's in a relationship with his gf (who wasn't married but is still separated I think).

XH and I are divorcing and my bf and his XW will be when they've been separated for two years. I didn't realise there was a ban on being in a new relationship before you were divorced. I think it's about whether you're ready and a piece of paper doesn't necessarily show that. I am looking forward to being divorced though :)

In terms of distance my XH and his gf live a few hours apart but have been having a relationship for nearly 4 years (probably more tbh but that's all I know about)

The decree absolute is just a piece of paper.
Especially as some people go for two year separation!
After a marriage that was shit and dead in the water for years, I left my ex last April. I'm divorcing for adultery, so no wait to apply. However, it's taken some time first because I was concentrating on buying a house, then because he is so goddamn slow with paperwork, and finally because for a number of reasons I wanted the finance stuff done at the same time, not after.
10 months on and we're still bloody married :(
Although I have my nisi.

I'm in a new relationship of 4 months with is lovely, I'm serious about him, emotionally ready, and my marital status is totally irrelevant.

I wouldn't date someone who didn't have a reason for not progressing divorce, but the actual bit of oaper - meh!

Whether or not you're technically divorced isn't really relevant, its whether the decks are clear for a relationship and you are emotionally ready for something.

The same applies to this new relationship. Nothing wrong with a "friends with benefits" set-up if both of you have your eyes open and no-one is expecting more than is on offer (and the kids concerned are ok).

But if you're hoping it will lead to something else and are going to experience a setback if it doesn't you need to ask yourself if its worth the emotional investment.