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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I Just A Friend?

8 replies

mousseschoice · 27/01/2014 18:55

Help!

I have a friend who is the nicest guy you would ever meet. He is single and has 50/50 custody of his 2 YO DS. I am also single with a 4 YO DD. Weekly (or as often as we can) we meet up with the kids to do fun things, day trips etc.

I have know him for years and we've always gotten on well as we lots of things in common and have the same sense of humor.

His partner ended things last year with him and he was devestated. He's now doing really well and is generally really happy.

The thing is, I'm quite interested in being more than just friends, but I'm so unsure if he's on the same page as me? I think he might like me, but I don't want to put myself right out there in fear of majorly cocking the friendship up!!

We've started seeing each other without the kids and have a curry night planned for later this week. We talk every single day, and are planning on taking the kids away and also doing things by ourselves too. He tells me I'm pretty and is also always complimentary towards me. He is always the one to text/call first and to arrange meetings.

He is painfully shy, so how do I let him know I'm interested without cocking things up?

OP posts:

MadeMan · 27/01/2014 19:00

Well as you seem to know each other really well and obviously get on (from what you've written), you could just tell him you like him as more than a friend and see what happens.

It sounds as though you're both pretty much dating each other anyway, so no need to ask him out for coffee or anything. Just tell him how you feel.

SoleSource · 27/01/2014 19:05

Oh tricky one.... the six million dollar question is..

IF he rejects you, can you see you and je still being friend's?

I'd be quite nervous in your shoes but I think you have to tell him what you want to happen between you.

He seems keen.....go for it!

Update us

shitting myself I would be

Lavenderhoney · 27/01/2014 21:34

He doesn't sound shy, just taking it slowly:)

It does sound as though you are already dating tbh! Why don't you say to him " our curry night date will be such fun?" I assume you treat the times you see him alone as a date.

What do you talk about when alone? Don't you talk about dating and stuff? If you are planning going away, didn't you talk about sleeping arrangements?:)

Best to sort it before your dd gets fond of him and it turns out he's not interested and you don't see him again.

Magicstars · 27/01/2014 21:41

Do you flirt with him? Try upping the flirting when you next go out, that should be a good indication of whether he wants to more than friends.
Sounds like you are 'seeng each other' to me. Good luck.

Magicstars · 28/01/2014 07:35

....if you aren't confident coming straight out with something to him, check out his body language first to read the signs. If you google something like attraction & body language, loads comes up.

TinselTownley · 28/01/2014 10:18

It sounds like he fancies you.

It also sounds like he's a cautious, sensible bloke who wants to take things slowly.

If he was adverse to a relationship in time, I think he'd be careful NOT to tell you you're pretty or to speak to and see you so frequently for fear of giving the wrong impression.

I hope things work out for you. I rather suspect relationships that take a bit of kindling probably burn for longer in the end.

Be happy.

Original poster

mousseschoice · 28/01/2014 10:49

I am going to do the wise thing and try and attempt to put my feelings into words...

If I have read things wrong then at least I'll know for sure...

and the shamelessly hide if it goes pearshaped

OP posts:

nauticant · 28/01/2014 11:07

If he is painfully shy then I think the best way to let him know you're interested is by stating clearly that you're interested, you'd like to take it further, and ask what he'd like to do.

If you're going to say this on curry night, don't do it at the beginning and don't do it just before heading off. Perhaps once you've finished eating your main meal. One problem though is eating and butterflies in tummies isn't always a good combination. My preference is to do stuff like this over a coffee.

There are many blokes who are not capable of identifying and then correctly interpreting flirting as being something beyond friendliness. To get around this, the flirting would have to be so overt it would probably be less embarrassing to use words.

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