Dh working away for long periods

[Belle15]

Looking for emotional support/ words of wisdom. Dh will be going to work abroad beginning of sept and will be away for 13/14 weeks at a time and then back for around 3. He will be home for 8 weeks over the summer and we expect this to be for a 2 year period and then he will be back home.
Have a 2 year old dd and 4 year old ss and worrying about how we will all cope with the separation.
Anyone with any experience of this. He is a very hands on dad and lives for his kids, the 2 years will kill him but we have no choice and want to get through with as little pain for everyone as possible

I don't have experience of my DH being away for any longer than a couple weeks at a time and that's hard enough, but I didn't want to read and run.

The phone is so important, many use Skype bute we never have.

Email is great too. We like to link to interesting articles, send pics etc.

The vital thing is that both if you feel able to communicate exactly how you are feeling. Don't try to hide things from the other thinking you are protecting them from hurt. You've still got to function as a partnership, admit when you are sad and commiserate together.

One thing I also learnt is that I'd always assumed he was getting the better deal by being away, eating out at nice restaurants etc. in truth, I was comfortable in our family home and had our daughter and the animals around me and my family and friends. He was do lonely. He was with clients but clients aren't friends and the people he works with are colleagues and he'd never see them again if it wasn't for the job. It helps me to remember this when I feel sorry for myself.

I don't envy the position your family find themselves in.

As a forces wife I hope I can give you some good advice and also to make you feel better about the situation; having done it lots!
So, the key is planning! Booking weekends to see friends, activities, outings and if possible grandparents to help out with the kids to give you a bit of a break.
Talk to the kids so they know what is going to happen while dad is away and just skype, face time etc as much as you can.
The first few weeks are the toughest, then you settle into your own routine and it gets easier. Kids are amazingly resilient and will take the positive lead from you.
Are you able to have any days on your own, both kids in nursery etc? I found even just one day to myself gave me good time to recharge and get my positive head back on!
It always seems worse before they go, try not let your stress put a downer on the days before he leaves (I did this!!)and try stay positive.
Also, take people up on offers to watch kids for an hour, or come over for a glass of wine; those snippets of time will keep you sane. Hope that helps a little.

As an ex army wife I got used to being on my own. Kids are surprisingly resilient and you will all get through this.

Make the most of technology, skype, text, email and good old fashioned snail mail with little treats. Take pictures of the kids doing silly everyday stuff and share with DH as often as possible. It is possible to get into a routine that is bearable.

The hardest thing is keeping the intimacy and missing the everyday stuff that makes you a partnership, so just talk about the everyday stuff. also don't feel like there are things you can't talk about (i.e. don't want to worry DH or don't want to moan) try and keep DH informed so he does not feel like a stranger when he comes home.

Keep yourself and the kids REALLY busy for the first few weeks until you start to adjust. Plan a host of activities before DH leaves and have a family calendar and mark on all the events and count down the days.

I always had photos of dad on display and talked about him LOTS and talked about remembering to tell daddy everyday stuff.

Expect to have times when you are lonely, thoroughly pissed off with the situation, and even blame each other.... just keep pulling together.

This happens to me - just a quick pre warning about the times he is home... you will have your routine basically disrupted when he's back - a nice disruption but there will be times after the initial hurray he's back when he's under your feet, not appreciating what you do, being annoyed. Be prepared for this as if you accept it's coming it feels much less of shock!!

I assume there is no way you can all go?

My dh works abroad and has done for 2 years- he is home every other weekend though.

Get as much help as possible, when people offer to have the kids take them up.Also get organised, you can't pop out at night for food etc when kids in bed. That is what was getting to me being stuck in the house at night alone, I found few things to entertain me- I do yoga on YouTube, started a business and watch loads of series on Netflix. I also got a dog who is great company.

I go out and visit dh and we Skype or text loads. I also kept up with my own work and invite friends over for film nites.

Good luck it is tough but I'm used to it now and enjoy my own company which I never used to!

DP works abroad and only see each other every 8/10 weeks (sometimes only a weekend sometimes longer) we use Skype to chat and make a point of chatting every night - even if it is only for 10 minutes.

I find it a struggle - especially since I am having some issues at home but just being able to talk to him is really important.

I have 2 DC's (his sc's) and yes they miss him they know he will be home soon. He also chats to them on Skype.

It is hard, but like you we had other option really.

Thanks so much ladies. I think aside from missing him terrible myself, I'm concerned about how it will affect the children and their relationship with him.
He will be home for 2 weeks at christmas, 2 weeks at Easter and then around 8 weeks in the summer and my dd will be almost 5 when he comes home for good

Skype, get them to keep scrapbooks of all the stuff they do, fav tv shows, walks in the park and they climbed a tree, so they can sit with him and talk through.

Photos next to the bed, talk about him lots, do lots though, planning every weekend, activities, get a babysitter and go out, have fun yourself.

When he gets back, have things planned as a family, he can take them to their activities, show him the ducks, new toys etc. and arrange a babysitter so you get a night alone or two.

He will be Disney dad:) but let him for the two years. Its not that long, really, only 104 weeks- plan your calendar and it will all whizz by.

DH often works abroad & recently it's been for longer periods like your situation. You don't mention where he is going. As another poster has suggested, if you can't all go with him, could you at least visit him at half terms? Or meet up in the middle of your 2 locations for long weekends? The other thing to watch out for is that it may take your DH a while to get used to being back in the humdrumness of a family home, after an ersatz bachelor existence. Also, my DH gets quite stressed in the few days leading up to going away again, you might need to make allowances.