Please Help

[Horselady]

Hello all,

I've been watching mumsnet for a long time hoping to find someon in a similar

Sorry posted too soon!!

• someone in a similar situation to myself. I've been with my partner for over two years now. He was coming out of a marriage (I was not OW) when we first met. The first few months were hard but we got through it. Since then he's cheated twice and gave me a STI. I decided to carry on the relationship and try and make it work (silly I know).

To today! His ex w is being very awkward with their child and only lets him see her once a week which is very hard on him. I have met his DD on a number of occasions and all went well. Now he's turned round and said until his ex w knows he doesnt want me to be in her company again! So whenever DD is at his house I have to go out. This is a house i'm paying towards (we dont live together). I want to finish this relationship with all of my being but for some reason I cant! I have finished it a few times but he leaves me be for a few weeks then gets in contact and pledges that he'll change and everything will be better and I believe him. Why can I not finish this relationship?
My family and freinds dont really like him and only put up with him for me, I dont find him attractive. He often has sex with me when I say I dont want to including anal (tmi sorry)! He has no nice features about him, so why cant I walk away.
I've text him today and said I want to talk later, I think he knows whats coming. Please help me and give me the strenght to leave him. I'm so unhappy at the moment.......

Well you know what you have to do... End it and sort some therapy smartish. You've been abused by this fucktard. You've a new chapter coming. You don't need him and you'll feel better when you look back. Can you talk to people in real life? Sounds like people who know you will support your decision. Good luck

Text him now and tell him it's over and not to contact you again.

Sweetheart he has raped you more than once. You owe him nothing. Just tell him to fuck off. Do it now. Please.

OP, read back your post. Can you find any reason to stay contained within to stay with this man? If a good friend told you this take, what would your advice be?

Run like the wind.

I would concur with Joblot's response.

You have been abused to date and have also allowed this to happen to you - why?. Maybe you at heart think you do not deserve to be treated at all nicely and perhaps have never been treated nicely by any man. Your already low self worth must be through the floor by now. You probably still on some level believe his entreaties to change (tells you what you want to hear) and perhaps think you are the still one to tame him and or make him feel better about his own self; rescuer and or saviour role here springs to mind.

You learnt all this from somewhere and its about time all the crap you have learnt about relationships to date gets unlearnt. I would also suggest counselling for your own self and do not date for a year until you have sorted your own deep seated issues out. Love your own self for a change.

Phone him and tell him its over as of now. Do not meet him later on.

I would also suggest you read "Women who love too much" written by Robin Norwood.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

joblot - I have my friends to talk to but because they dont like him (I understand why) they just tell me to leave him. But if it was that easy I would have done it months ago.

I know 100% you're all right. x

What are you going to do horse?

I need to end the relationship for my own sanity. I know its going to be hard and I will be heartbroken for some time but in the long run it will get better. x

Horse- you'll have some friend who you know is fair minded and loves you, seek them out. Most of us want the best for our mates and are only too happy to help a friend in need. We've all been there. I've leant on friends lots over the past 2 years, and in turn they can lean on me. What I'm trying to say is try not to be embarrassed about it.

Have I got this right....you pay towards a house you don't live in?

Can you ask a friend to help you through?

How are you going to end it?

Only1scoop - I give some money towards his rent and food, I do stay there an awful lot.

I think its best if I do it over the phone. A cowards way out maybe after nearly 3 years together but I know if I do it face to face he'll sway me again!

Horse.... you are making a wise decision by the sound of things. Doesn't make it any easier though....wishing you strength

Over the phone is the only way to do it. And ZERO contact after that. Delete and block his number, defriend him on facebook and cut all other ties. Come and post on here if you wobble.

Would you consider having counselling?

Thanks again everyone.

I'm not really sure why I would need the counselling. I know I'm in a shitty relationship and I know I deserve better I just cant seem to finish it.

I know one of my problems is I hate being alone and I dont really like my own comapny. All of my friends are married, have a partner and babies so tehy never really go out. The only thought going through my mind is I'm going to be sat at home all weekend on my own crying while he's out lining up his next victim. He has a massive social circle so will never be in to dwell on our lost relationship.

I understand from an outside point of view how stupid that sounds but I just cant help it.

You've just described why you need counselling.

Well I've done it. I've told him it's over and the response I got "its for the best". Red eyes and my heart is in a million pieces.

It is for the best. You don't need some loser using and raping you. Please get some counselling and work on your self esteem.

Well done! You know it was the right thing to do. Now you know you will be sad and wonder if you were hasty and should give him another chance. But get through the pain and work on your self esteem and why you let this man treat you so badly, and on the other side is freedom and happiness!

Horse....well done, its so hard at the moment I know. This relationship was so bad for you and you will get through this. He wasn't worthy of you and it wasn't going anywhere.
Be kind to yourself and take care.

This was a bad, bad relationship and a waste of your time. You only live once, now is a time to take care of yourself, nurture yourself so that you can enjoy and find peace in your alone time and feel positive for the future, which is now wide open. Confide in your family and friends, they will be so pleased to know that you have ditched this parasite and if they invite you to things, always say yes, always.

Thanks everyone - you've been really kind and your words mean an awful lot.
I'm trying to think positive at the moment, I know I will have my dark days but hopefully I will come out of this a better and stronger person xx

Horse that is so true, please believe it. I have had my dark, dark, frightening days, frightened of leaving, of change, of who I would be alone. But believe me I was better, happier for it and you will be too.

You've done the right thing, no doubt at all. Have you got any decent food in? Blanket, DVD etc?

Tell your friends its over, once its real theres no going back.

Stay strong.

Thanks shey.
Zapp I've been boxing tonight so that's got some aggresion now. Going to chill out now with a good book. x