What. Was. I. Thinking?

[colinbutterfly]

I'm only posting this because I've had a few revelations of late informed by a few threads on this board. All things I don't miss about my horrible EA ex.

I don't miss...

• Him shouting at me, including threatening to smack me, and me then unable to talk
• Him sleeping all the time
• Being begged for money (cocklodger)
• His addiction to video games
• Obsessive porn use
• Being gaslighted
• Waiting on him hand and foot
• Wondering if he is seeing other people (yes)
• Feeling like I was being followed (sometimes was).

Life is good :)

Ta-ta FW!

I like him. PM me his number please

You're well rid of the shit. :)

Awful, isn't it? I feel like my world's been flooded with light. I swear, I even look better - no dark circles and less worry lines.

What amazes me is how easy it is for me to accomplish all the tasks which, when he did, I had to fawn and grovel about. They're simple and accomplishing them doesn't need to involve shouting at the kids or telling a woman she's horrendously inadequate and that you're only doing them because she's too bloody incapable to do them herself.

I really thought I still loved him. I have discovered that I didn't - not really. I loved him from the perspective of the hopeless, co-dependent doormat he wanted me to be.

Deep down, I am still here. The real me, the independent me who will never, ever, ever let him fool me again.

Happy days, Cat, happy days!

I had one like this for 5 years.
Now I look back and can't believe the crap I took from that idiot.
It makes me thank God for my lovely DP who doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

I feel like my world's been flooded with light. I swear, I even look better - no dark circles and less worry lines.

What amazes me is how easy it is for me to accomplish all the tasks which, when he did, I had to fawn and grovel about. They're simple and accomplishing them doesn't need to involve shouting at the kids or telling a woman she's horrendously inadequate and that you're only doing them because she's too bloody incapable to do them herself.

^^ this

I am looking forward to this :) starting to feel it coming on already

pats on the back all round

Go you!

But what is gas lighting?

Thanks for the general high fiving - glad I'm in good company too :)

tall Gaslighting is where someone manipulates you into thinking you are going mad. Mine used to change his mind over brown or red sauce on bacon butties - ensuring I never got it right, he would complain and I would think I was going mad - just making you doubt your own mind really. It is awful.

yeah gaslighting is a vile tactic - mine used to always change his mind about how many sugars he took in his tea - what a pointless waste of oxygen these people are

FFS smugmarried. I can't get over the thought process devoted to this crap. I get that in other cases of abuse, it's not necessarily premeditated (to shag around, smacking someone etc - it can be a spur of the moment thing - wrong but not necessarily premeditated). But gaslighting and other EA tactics are so premeditated it astounds me.

My ex used to complain that I had not put the right amount of tea in his mug. It varied every time I made him one. . I could never get it right, this difficult task...
There were many other examples but this one stands out.
should have poured it over his head

I miss him soooo much!

I had one of these twats at 18, and 30 years later I still hate him and struggle to reconcile the person I was then with the person I am now.

I had one...

Ask him an everyday question like "do we need more milk babe?"....

Silence.

Oh, he didnt hear I'd think.

Repeat the question.

Silence.

Oh he's ignoring me.

For no reason!!!! He'd just do it. In the end I stopped asking anything, stopped talking really. After my entire life being known and loved for my chatter box nature, I never felt so lonely and miserable as that time.

Yep. What was I thinking????!!!!!!

My ex did that to me mamma all the time.

Oh yes the ignoring
Then saying that he had replied and I hadn't heard!!!
I actually used to think I was going a bit deaf!!!

I used to say it a third or fourth time and then maybe he's answer

"I don't know for fucks sake or I'd have answered wouldn't I?!?!"

Why didnt I just tell him the first time he ever did it that he was the rudest prickish I'd ever met and tell him to do one?! Why..why?!

Worst was once dd1 got old enough to say "daddy...mummy asked you where the keys were"....cos bless her, she thought he really hasn't heard. Broke my heart.
:(

What a total twat.

Mine is still doing the not listening thing. He came to pick up some things and left the door open with the dog in the hallway. I said: "I'm taking the dog out in two minutes. Do you mind just shutting the door while I get him on his lead." He said "yes", then left the door open and started taking stuff out to the car. I said, again: "can you shut the door just for a minute?". Nothing. Four year old says: "daddy, please shut the door". He snaps: "I'm perfectly capable of making sure the bloody dog doesn't get out!".

What, indeed, was I EVER thinking?

Wow. Gaslighting = horrible.
You're well rid. High 5 again!

Hip hip horray!