How to handle this night out

[boomoohoo]

Hi there, there is a birthday do of one of dps friends in a couple of weeks. 2 of dps exes will be there (same friendship group) one I've never met altho not too bothered about as not a long relationship, the other I have met on a couple of other nights out. She has always been pretty cold shouldered with me. I've always been very friendly to her, always approaching her for a chat etc. but she's been quite off when I have, so I wander off soon as I can.

What I find upsetting is that we have mutual friends so i will continue to see her, and it feels very weird on these nights out like I can't relax.

I also upset that friends of mine have consequently become friends with her, I stupidly feel betrayed! Silly I know.

So I have a night out coming up and she's going to be there, and I already feel anxious..

Do u have any advice for me wise mumsnetters?

Only read the first page.

She seems very immature. Probably jealous of you, also.

You have been given some good avice on here. I would just continue being polite, and speak if she speaks to you. Only to be the bigger person
I would want sod all to do with her if there was no mutual friends.

Just because they didnt work out, it doesnt mean you are to blame and shouldnt have her behave so disgustingly towards you.

I can understand from both hers, and your point of view that this situation would be awkward. But there really is no need to behave in that way!

Id get her told if she continued. well iwouldnt but id like to

She sounds weird.

However "wow, did you mean to be do rude? " only works with people who care that they are rude, not with people who set out to be rude. She sounds like that.

No, the 'Did you mean to be so rude?' doesn't work here.

You need to step it up to - sympathetic look but with slightly raised eyebrow and - 'You always seem so unhappy on these nights out, it's a shame, you know?' And give a sympathetic smile and walk away.

Set an internal boundary: she does not qualify to be your friend. It is ok to not care for/about someone.

I agree with Quint...did you mean to be so rude? Might get the response of "yes" and then where would you be?

She is undeniably being a bitch, so I would be tempted to say something like: "Did you take a class to learn how to be a bitch, or does it just come natural?"

Best not to speak to her at all. Look straight through her, no eye contact, look over her shoulder, stand with your body at an angle to hers (not square face to face) so anything she says can literally go right by you; practice saying the completely dismissive word: "whatever" (as much as I hate that word, there are some very justifiable circumstances to use it and this is one of them).

Bottom line is, you are dating him, she's not. If she's still hanging around there is no way I'd give her the satisfaction of knowing you're rattled by her.

If she's going on an all out charm offensive with DP's friends comfort yourself she is possibly intimidated by you!

On the bright side if you are so bothered by her it's lucky you haven't dropped anything on her yet. Being nervous around someone always turns me into a complete klutz.

Stay civil but don't feel you have to try harder . Don't stoop to being overly touchy feely with DP and never ever bad-mouth her to anyone.

Thank u all for ur replies, ur support and advice has really helped.

You're right about the 'wow did u mean to be so rude' comment, thanks for pointing out. I will completely ignore her and hope we don't end up saying anything to each other.

Spoke to dp last night about it, and he said he fully supports me telling her to fuck off if I need to. I won't, but it's feels good to have his support

Can I just pick up on you saying you're worried you might get pissed and march up to her?
Lay off the alcohol, a bit, if you're likely to lose control.

Cabrinha I'd like to do that deep down, but I wont. I will ignore her completely.