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Original poster

My heroin addict sister - time to go NC?

29 replies

Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:08

She is in her late 30s, four years older than me and an addict for ten years. Three years ago she stole money off our dad when he was on his deathbed, not huge amounts. I didn't tell my mum, maybe I should have but mum had so much to cope with.

Three weeks ago mum was rushed to hospital and been there ever since, she may b there sometime. I have found out sis has stolen around £300 from our mum in this time.

Should I expose her to the rest of the family and end all contact with her? What would you do?

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 21:10

does she live at your parents house?
how did she get her hands on the 300?
not sure about exposing her - do they know she has this problem or is it just you that knows?

anothernumberone · 26/01/2014 21:11

Do you know I don't think it is going to help the situation. I am so so sorry to hear about your mum.

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 21:18

I would contact the police.

Telling other people wont make any difference, and neither will going NC.

The only way you can protect your mum and her money is by informing the police.

Original poster
Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:18

They don't know for sure about her addiction but have suspicions. She moved in with our mum a few months ago. I checked mums bank statement and sis has made out cheques to herself, she must have forged mums signature cos mum is incapable of writing right now.

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 21:21

oh bloody hell - can you tell her that you know and for her to hand over the cheque book now? how would that go down? or you will call the police?
the problem is she will lie to you and lie again.

anothernumberone · 26/01/2014 21:22

Yes OP the police is a better option than family members. Emotions are high and people struggle to deal with distractions.

Original poster
Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:25

Thanks for the advice, right now I want to knock her lights out but know that's pointless. I guess it's time to expose her to the rest of the family as I suspect she's stolen off all of us at some time. We have two older brothers who will go ballistic. Calling police seems so extreme

OP posts:
ButterflySandwich · 26/01/2014 21:28

Could you contact the bank and tell them your suspicions? They will cancel her cheque book and cards

phoolani · 26/01/2014 21:28

Calling the police may be the best way of helping her, possibly? Yes, she's done terrible things but being a heroin addict ain't no breeze, after all. She may at least get a treatment order.

NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 21:30

remember she is sick and treat her as a sick person.
show her the bank statement and tell her that you know and threaten her with the police; if the brothers would go ballistic and your mum is ill, perhaps it is not the best time to tell them.
mention of the police will scare her - she really doesn't want to be sitting rattling in a police cell.
could you make her leave?
where was she living before? don't tell me she didn't pay the rent and got thrown out.

NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 21:30

oh yes take steps with the bank to make sure she cannot do this again.

Privilegeismine · 26/01/2014 21:33

I would tell your family.
My brother was a heroin addict for over 10 years. He never stole money, we were all stupid enough to lend it to him. When we refused he started selling to fund his habit, however, fortunately he was a rubbish dealer and got arrested fairly quickly. A year and a half in prison and he is completely clean, holding down a job and back to being my little brother again. Getting arrested was heartbreaking initially, but in hindsight the best thing that could have happened.

Original poster
Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:33

Yes I will call bank first thing. It worries me that she's living alone in mums house, there's a lot of jewellery around the place and I'm pretty sure she's pawned some in the past. I resent this when all I want is to focus on mum.

I want her and her skank bf out of my life, am I too hard on her?

OP posts:
Theincidental · 26/01/2014 21:35

Yes report her. It will trigger the beginning of it all being out in the open and hopefully her getting some help. Drug addiction can be so secretive and deceitful; it's also hidously destructive.
I know someone who was an addict from teenage years. Being caught stealing was the thing that started his long road to recovery. 15 years on and he's been clean for years, works and has a relationship with his family again.

NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 21:36

am I too hard on her?
no.
is she with 'skank' bf at your mums place? and he is an addict too?
maybe your brothers and the police would be the best help for you, why should you deal with this all alone?

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 21:36

Calling the police is no more extreme that taking money from a dying man.

Think about that.

She didnt give a shit that your dad was dying, she just cared about getting her hands on his cash. And now, she is doing the same to your mum, she doesnt care about her either.

Addicts dont care about anything but their addictions, and by forcing the issue with the police, she may actually get help. At the moment, by covering up for her, you are enabling her to continue.

HermioneWeasley · 26/01/2014 21:36

She's an addict - the only thing she cares about is her next hit. Get the locks changed on your mum's house and inform the bank what's happened so they stop the account.

I would go NC until she cleans up her act. You may love her and care about her but you cannot help her and do not matter to her while she's addicted.

Original poster
Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:36

Yes she moved in with mum cos she was evicted for rent arrears. Mum refused to let her bf move in but I'm sure he is round there while Mimi's ill.

OP posts:
desperatelyseekingsolace · 26/01/2014 21:37

I would tell her first to make it clear you know and give her a) a chance to put it right and b) a warning that you will go to the police if not .

And then go to the police.

As someone pointed out higher up you may ultimately be doing her a favour by escalating it to the point where she has to detox. Though she won't thank you now.

But she is your sister and presumably having a shit time of it with her addiction so give her one chance,

If her habit is far enough along that she is stealing from your mum how come no one else in the family knows?

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 21:38

Imo you are not being hard enough.

If your mum is so ill, can you apply for power of attorney (sorry, I dont know how these things work)? I would see a solicitor asap about getting your sister out of the house and protecting your mums belongings. Start with clearing out everything of value for a start.

RandomMess · 26/01/2014 21:38

Report to the police and when she's down the station get the locks changed before anything else of sentimental advice disappears...

desperatelyseekingsolace · 26/01/2014 21:42

Didn't realise she was still in your mum's house with (presumably also junkie) boyfriend.

In that case yes you should definitely go to the police if you have evidence that she stole.

And take anything of any value, or lock it up. And yes probably you should tell the family.

Inertia · 26/01/2014 21:45

Go to the bank, go to the police. Your sister has picked her own path here and needs to face the consequences; your mum only has you to protect her.

Original poster
Mrsharrison · 26/01/2014 21:45

I don't think I do love her. She repulses me, dirty, no teeth. I'm going to speak to our calmer brother, cos I can't cope and frankly, skank bf intimidates me.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 21:46

your mum only has you to protect her.

This.

If you saw an thief taking money from a womans bag in hospital when that woman was unable to stop it happening, you would call the police in a heartbeat. This is no different.