Colleagues affair advice please.

[Fairyliz]

My boss and one of my colleagues are having an affair. I don't approve as both are married, so I have tried to remain polite but professional and not get involved.
The problem is I am involved. Other staff have realised that something is going on and try and pump me for info. My boss disappears off to meetings that I know don't exist, so I have to lie to staff and customers about his whereabouts. Because he is not around, sometimes I have to do work that I am perfectly capable of doing, but don't get paid for.
Last week his wife rang and I felt like a real shit telling her he was at a meeting when I knew it wasn't true,
Any advice as to how I deal with this? I want to tell him he is a lying sleezebag but I need my job!

I would say to him politely but very firmly that you are not prepared to lie to clients/colleagues/his wife any more, what he does with his own private life is his business but you won't get dragged into it. Keep it very bald and emotionless but make it clear he is abusing your professional relationship.

If you have any trouble with him from this point say you will go to human resources with it.

Tough one. I could see why you don't want to confront but do stop lying for him eg. When his wife or staff ask where he is rather than saying he's in a meeting, say he's not in the office. Then leave it to him to explain to his wife when she asks why he's out of the bloody office so much

Do you have an HR you can go to?

Your boss is sloping off to do what ever with a work colleague but work. He is costing the company the time and money of both him and her, he is putting you into an unprofessional position with colleagues and more importantly customers and you are having to cover his work.

Stop lying for him. If anyone asks where he is, say he is with X and give her name. That way you are not giving away what they are doing and you are not lying.

Are you his secretary? If he is with his lover, he IS at a meeting. That is not lying.

Do you have to do the unpaid work to cover for him? Does he expect it? If so, it is reasonable to ask him about what he would like you to do, and whether you get any extra compensation.

I don't think it is a good idea to tell him he is a lying sleazebag, for obvious reasons. This affair may run its course yet. Far more dignified to remain professional about your working relationship with your boss, in spite of his indiscretions.

Do they know you know?

He's taking the piss on so many levels... unpaid work?... so you have to box clever. I'd suggest you accidentally let some information slip to the other staff. Nothing written or traceable back to you, obviously. The gossip mill will do the rest.

Really don't let anything slip. That will put you at the centre of the drama with raging boss, mortified colleague and bitter wife. You don't want to be there. But do speak to him honestly and calmly about how difficult you find it and ask that he ensures you are completely insulated from having to perpetuate the deceit.

I was in this situation years ago - I agree that the best way to handle this is to let them both know that you are aware of what is going on - you do not need to comment further about what they are doing, but just tell your boss you are not prepared to lie for him, and that if you are going to be doing additional work because he is out on his 'awaydays' then he must tell you what needs doing. I strongly suspect that once they know they are rumbled, the shame/embarrassment will quickly pop their bubble of exciting secrecy & one way or another, the situation will be resolved. You don't need to be rude, just direct. If after this, they continue to put you in such an awkward position, I would take the matter up with HR.

yes i agree with scorned.

Like Magoria suggests, I'd try and keep this a purely work related issue. I think it's fine to ask for a one-to-one with him where you discuss the extra duties you're undertaking and point out that you are currently struggling to keep his diary updated but I'm not sure it's appropriate to confront him directly about his affair.

Uncomfortable though it makes you, you can only really focus on its impact on either your workload or company performance. Clearly, if he's not where he should be when he should be then there is a direct impact on your ability to do your job. I think you're perfectly entitled to air your concerns with HR, if there is one, but I would steer clear of making direct reference to the affair.

You can say, "There is currently a lot of office gossip centered around xxxxx at present and this is causing me considerable stress when others keep trying to embroil me in it". Then it becomes somebody else's problem.

I also wouldn't lie. I would just say: "According to his diary he is...". If there is no entry, I would say precisely just that and how he's out of the office but you don't know where.

Where I used to work, a very senior member of staff was blatantly shagging a more junior member of staff who also happened to be the HR advisor. It was just cringeworthy. Christmas parties involved her gyrating in his lap before they slipped off to a hotel together. Everyone knew and everyone found it revolting but it is really difficult to raise just a moral objection to someone's behaviour (especially when one of the parties is up to their neck in it). Focus purely on the work side and if he does get vindictive because you wont fib, you've got a record to rely on at tribunal.

Good luck.

Use it to your advantage........

Do the extra work, don't tell anyone, but tell him you want a pay increase. His affair is nothing to do with you, he instructs you with regard to work activities, so use him. :)