Window shopping

[AuntieBrenda]

I have posted in relationships before.
I have been married for almost five years, with him for 9. We have a DS almost 3.
We have been having difficulties in our relationship and go through periods of rowing etc but then make up and sort if trundle along.
We have sex rather infrequently - both too knackered what with working ft and an active toddler tbh.
Lately I have found myself fantasising about meeting someone new more and more. I want that excitement if a first kiss, crazy sex, feeling adored and adoring another adult back... It sounds so silly.
I don't know what this means? Am I on the out of my marriage? I keep having stupid crushes on people but I have not acted on anything in any way and I hate infertility so I never would either.
I don't know what is going on with me, it's driving me nuts.
Sorry for rambling and sorry this is long - I don't even know what I'm asking tbh

Oh god sorry I meant infidelity not infertility

Trouble is, the excitement of a new liaison is all very well if you're single, but comes at a high price if you're married & a parent. Doesn't stop us thinking of it wistfully, though - that's the 'primitive' part of the brain talking , and it needs a good slapping down by the higher brain centres! No, it doesn't mean your marriage is on the way out - but it is a warning bell, to have a long hard think about what you want from your life, before some attractive chap catches your eye while you're susceptible. A friend of mine once said that staying married is, at times,an intellectual decision - she stayed with her husband because he was 'a good man' and 15 years later they look very happy...

You sound bored & in a rut. Nothing wrong with fantasies... hell, it's why the bookshelves are full of bodice-rippers.... but you shouldn't have to retreat into them as often as you describe. You're not out of the marriage but neither of you sound fully in it. 'Trundling' between rows is no life.

I think you (plural... this can't be one-sided) have to focus all your attention on the difficulties in your relationship, set the time aside, prioritise each other, have the awkward conversations, seek counselling if necessary and commit to making married/family life more rewarding and less stressful. On a personal level find ways to create your own zest for life that doesn't involve crushes on other people.

But be honest with each other. If there's nothing left to save and if both of you are too half-hearted then someone needs to have the courage to say so and end it.