Bring a mum without losing yourself

[littleraysofsunshine]

How do you do it? ;(
I have a 3yo, 20mo & due with dc3 today

'Being' a mum, I take it. :) Being a lone parent since birth I've always worked, maintained friendships & pursued hobbies because I don't have a partner to fall back on for entertainment, companionship or financial support. Hiring a cleaner was another very good way to avoid becoming a domestic drudge. Works for me.

Yes being lol.

I just find I have little time. The most I get is to have a bath, or maybe read a bit of a book - in the bath.

Being heavily pregnant leaves me a little out of option as I'm due today, so can't really hit the shopping centre or gym lol

I had a very rough years where my dp wasn't here so I did even more for my daughters and had no time.

Dp says life shouldn't stop because we have a family. He does football, has invited out, work things at Christmas etc. I don't but he says I choose not to

I had no life really till mine were at school, probably as my DH worked away so much so babysitting was expensive. I did go to fitness classes during the day once they were at playgroups, and that did help me.

I think it's easier for the person who's working. They're already more detached as they spend time away from home during the day.

Is there any hobbies you like? You could spend an evening out at something surely?

It takes me quite a lot of organisation (not to say expense) to indulge my social life, hobbies and work commitments. It would, on the whole, be far easier to sit home. Does your DP have a point... are you passing up opportunities?

I'm not a mum but strikes me you're probably the most stretched and time-pressed you'll ever be with 2 under-5s and another imminently due (congrats! )

Would your DP do childcare so that you can socialise and have hobbies?

As well as what everyone else says, I find that I have always been able to incorporate some things into every day life that I like.

I always have the radio on. I like listening to talk radio and hearing discussions so I'll do that first thing. Then I might switch to Radio 4 or listen to music depending on my mood. Or a radio play on iplayer

I love being outside so I go for a long walk with the buggy most days.

I go to Parent and toddler groups and I love chatting to other people. Thankfully I've only ever found friendly groups.
I've made a few friends and often meet up with the kids for coffee or a trip to the park.

Chat to friends on the phone or chat online.

I try to go out with friends every one evening every couple of weeks.

Watching something I really want to on tv (at the moment its Breaking Bad which I'm loving!)

Reading a book. It takes me ages to read a book these days and but I still like to have one on the go.

Its not easy when you have young children and almost impossible to find time to relax with very young children and being pregnant but I think little things can make a difference.

Ooh I only just realised you're due with dc3 today! How exciting!
Don't worry about not losing yourself for a while. That can all come later once you've got a routine juggling 3 kids and and day to day life :)

Good luck :)

I enjoy photography (small steps on starting a business but limited time makes it harder)

I want to start a fitness class once a week when baby is born. A course. Meal with friends maybe, and a date night with dp once a month?! But it just doesn't happen.. When baby is born I'll be breastfeeding so that'll limit certain things.

He offers but at this moment I feel so unmotivated where I'm use to not doing me things.

I like to get out, fresh air, playgroups with friends and their kids. But all changed recently as their kids have for bigger (only have one each) and I have one at preschool, one toddler and now a newborn coming. So need to make new friends I guess.

I find I try little things, like my yoga DVD once in a blue moon but don't feel I'm benefitting from it being hugely pregnant. All I feel right now is tired and moody. Taking it out on dp.

And if anything feeling jealous that having our three children (nearly) hasn't effected his life style at all. Because he says it shouldn't make your life stop. True. So why do I let it?

I adore being a mum. I just try to do everything all the time. Too much. And then leave myself as last priority which ultimately makes me resent it all sometimes in the midst of a bad nights sleep or the constant demands on motherhood. If I were to take take of myself more I would not get these negative feelings against dp and myself too.

And when do says he will look after them whilst I do my thing. It will have to fit around his work and football. Which leaves me with some evenings or our family day (Sunday) in the evenings I'm tired and I feel bad if we don't spend time as a family

I think you have to accept that while the kids are young, its very hard but not impossible. Also, youre feeling like you are at the moment because you're heavily pregnant and have young kids! It's flipping hard.

You can spend time as a family and still get time to yourself.
For example, On a Sunday could you not go to a fitness class or spend time on your photography in the morning and then spend the rest of the day doing something together?

Put a diary up on the wall and timetable stuff in for yourself whether its stuff that involves going out or doing something at home (yoga dvd, bath, nap etc)

Are there some chores you allocate to dp so you're not doing too much yourself?

I'm sure you'll make new friends

I had four under three, with another one three years older.

I used to go food shopping on a Saturday morning as soon as the first one got up, usually about sixish. It was the only time I got to myself in the week and I just loved it. I took my time, browsed around the shop and thoroughly enjoyed just having the time to myself.

Then I went back to chaos.

Your husband might well have a point.

If he has time to himself then book in a regular time each week for you to have the same. It's up to you then whether you choose to do anything with that time or have the bliss of doing nothing

The key though is to make sure that just like his football, your time is at a regular time each week too otherwise you run the risk of you letting it slide.