Deep depression in a day.

[atosilis]

My husband is a shouter. Last night he was fine one second and yelling the next. This morning I said that my NY resolution was not to be shouted at anymore.

He said he has to shout for me to LISTEN to him.

I suggested that we separated for a while, we make each other very unhappy as I make him shout and he doesn't want to, and I hate the shouting. He hates that I won't have sex with him but I have no connection because of the shouting. It's a vicious circle.

I have spent the day in bed staring at the ceiling and dozing. No tv, no books, just catatonic. I haven't washed, my body is to heavy to move and stand long enough.

Tonight he came to bed (we have separate rooms - for a year now, several reasons) and he slammed and slammed the door repeatedly. He stopped and did it again.

I have never experienced this effect of my body being too heavy to move and not being able to think. He is asleep now and I have been able to go downstairs and get a drink, now I can move. Is it possible to get so depressed in a day.

And what do I do tomorrow?

Too heavy

He sounds very abusive and your reaction is normal. From the catatonic state you describe I would suggest you have gone into shock. Listen to your body. Do you actually want to stay with him. No one has to be shouted at in order to be forced to listen

Take care of yourself and prioritise your needs.

A big hug to you in bed, I hope you manage to get some rest

I think you're experiencing a kind of shock. Fear, basically. It sounds like a very threatening situation, you've confronted him, told him it's over, there's been shouting, door-slamming and that's quite a nasty experience that will have taken a lot out of you. Your system has sort of shut down.

Do you have anyone IRL that can come over tomorrow so that you can talk about next steps? Are there any children? Are you expecting him to leave or do you have somewhere to go?

I can drive over to my parents, they are in their 80's but I don't want to upset them. I won't say anything, just chill and take them out for lunch. 3 girls have all left home ages ago and grandbaby is 2 in Feb.

It was so weird, to lift my arm or turn over, took real effort and concentration.

We are going to have to talk and face this. But not tomorrow.

I have had exactly the same thing happen to me many years ago when I was married. I ended up calling my parents who rushed over the following day as I was also unable to speak properly to tell them how I felt. My marriage limped on for another couple of years but I knew then that it was doomed.

Not that I know anything about it but I think I was heading for a breakdown but, because I had two young kids at the time, I think I managed to put on a 'face' and get on with it. I can clearly remember laying in the bed and thinking that I did not even want to die, I just wanted to be a 'nothing' - if that makes sense.

Thankfully it has never happened since. I hope you can get some help and perhaps think about getting away from this awful man.

Keep strong.

Your parents may be more upset if you don't tell them. Just because someone is in their 80's doesn't necessarily mean you have to protect them from life.

OTOH if they are frail their nervous systems may not work as well as a younger person, in which case being more circumspect may be more appropriate; still I hope when I am in my 80's I could still support my DCs if they run into difficulties, provided my health is reasonable.

Just sayin'. You know your DPs best.

Atolisis, the feeling you describe is something I experienced for a day in response to abuse from my teenage dd a few weeks ago. My body shut down and I felt like I was willing myself to die. It was an extreme stress reaction. It passed in a day when the abuse stopped. I was frightened by how extreme my feelings were. It was horrible. I thought I was having a breakdown.

Do find someone you can talk to. If not your parents, then someone else you trust. It may also be worthwhile talking to your GP.

How are you feeling today?

I can't get up and drive but will stay in my room for a while and sort stuff out later - change sheets, throw stuff in a charity bag.

He is downstairs banging around and muttering.

I am feeling better than yesterday thanks.

atosilis his (abusive) behaviour has probably been taking its toll on you for a while. you have been keepring going but now you have made a decision your energy has gone. mentally it is as if you have been running in your head for weeks and now you have finally crossed the line.

you are worn out with coping with him / the rs.

and yes it is possible to slip into that depressed a state very quickly.keep an eye on it be kind to yourself but i think once you are away from the source of your stress. (him) it will ease.

Only a doctor can really assess you, but I agree with others that if you remove the source of your current stress you will almost certainly start to feel better.

If your kids are long gone, can you piss off to a travel lodge for a few days or anything like that? You need to get away from him. I guess he isn't going to make it easy is he.

I'll be back in work tomorrow and keep resting today. Tidy my room- hahaha, still in bed!

We are meant to be hosting a family birthday party here in 2 weeks and I'm stressing about that. I will get up soon and get some family finance details written down for a solicitor. He has a sleep on the sofa every afternoon so will do it then.

Bastard. I have had another day going in and out of sleep. I did try and get up and went down to make some toast. He thinks I'm ignoring him and called me childish, I just said that I wanted some peace on my own.

I went back into deep sleep about an hour ago. He has just burst the door open and shouted that he needs the big car tomorrow. I screamed as I jumped so much but he just repeated it and stormed off, I can hear him slamming his door. He thinks this is a fight but I have already surrendered if it is one.

He's planning something as he hasn't mentioned needing the car. I am wide awake and my heart is lodged in my throat, it's beating so fast.

Bastard! I'm fine though, don't worry! just so TIRED!