It feels like I'm living with a psychopath :(

[feckawwf]

Not having a very good day/week/month/year.....a lot going on right now DH and I are both under a lot of stress and pressure but the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing is just weighing me down I'm ready to lose it starting an argument one minute, going out and coming back home with flowers/wine/pandora charms an hour later....twice this has happened today he's so full of sorry them BAM it happens again. I feel so alone and so down I can't take anymore of this

Sorry you're having a shit time. It's fucking awful when it's like this and I know exactly what you mean in your description. It's the feeling of having no foundations underneath you - puts you on edge as you never know what's happening next. You say you feel alone, is that alone as in no one to talk to or alone as in you can't talk to anyone about it?

Something that's getting me through some shit at the moment when I feel I can't take anymore is recognizing that I can take more but I have a choice not to. When I feel like i can't take anymore what that actually boils down to is I feel like I have no options...not sure if that makes sense!

Can you explain anything further.... bit more detail...

Do you have dc?

Sorry for being brief posted in mid tears, youngest dc is in another room while I'm having 5....heels 3 he's currently being assessed for SN so our main "problem" which is a terrible way to describe it but it is causing a problem for us. I don't think we are strong enough to cope with this and the stress that comes with it. We have 3dc altogether, ranging from 3-15. Huge age gap, neither of them get on at the min, so many hormones running around. I have friends that are fab for fun nights out but no one that "listens" no family. There is no violence, he is a great husband and dad most of the time until we are under stress and it like a bomb has gone off. Constant mood swings it's so unpredictable. Over a dark washing pile today wtf???

It's not acceptable to do this Jekyll and Hyde act and he has to understand that. However much stress someone's under, as a mature adult they should be able to hold it together, even if they have to take a bit of time out, 'count to 10', go for a walk or something else. Just because he isn't violent it doesn't make his erratic behaviour tolerable. Saying sorry but carrying on in the same way is not regret, it's self-pity.

If he needs help dealing with this he should be booking a trip to the GP rather than the florist

It gets to a point when you don't want to forgive when they're being nice.

The first thing to keep in mind is that unpredictability in terms of response is not something you need to accept on a regular basis- actually looking at your last comment is there a predictability in his response ie does he go off when there is stress? If so then it's likely you feel on edge at all times (even when there is no stress) because you know what's coming as stressful events are inevitable.

And I reckon sometimes deeper issues come out in bullshit contexts...the dark washing pile is an 'acceptable' outlet for other stuff.

No-one feels strong enough to deal with the shit life throws at them - the fact you feel like this and question it says alot about how strong you are.

Sounds like there is a lot to unravel. But the apologising-and-doing-it-again routine is totally unacceptable for a start... I am sure your dc are picking up on this too.

If you don't want To divorce and you believe it is all down To stress then he needs To find a way To handle that stress.

As Cogito says, it's no excuse for behaving the way he does. If you can Get him To have some kind of therapy this would help him. My DH had some time with a stress management specialist but we are abroad and it's a simple case of decide you want To do it, make a apptointment and pay for it.

For you I would suggest starting with your GP, if DH is willing. If he's not then you'll have To decide How long you are willing To put up with his behaviour because as long as it's accepted he has no reason To change.

Sorry if that all sounds harsh, it isn't meant To. Good luck and I hope the whole family has less stress in the very near future. For the DDcs, Get them To write a Diary. This helps by getting things out, so if DH kicks off and the older one is thinking "Fuck this" they need To write it down so it's not brewing in their head reaking havok. They need To know the diarieros are prívate and no one will read them without their permisión.

It would also help DH, but it sounds like he needs moré than simply writing his thoughts down right now.

I've actually decided I'm going to see a solicitor this week-he won't get help, he doesn't see the problem! He won't talk, he never has-how we've made it through over 15yr with no communication I'll never know. Guess we've just give with the sweeping things under the carpet mechanism. I actually feel stronger today now Ive made the decision, I can't live another day with a man who has no consideration for my feelings. I have no idea how this is going to pan out as I have nowhere to go and no money but I WILL find a way out of this somehow. Thank you all x

Good luck.

I couldn't live like that either. You are not alone in that.

Very best of luck.